December 28, 2007

• *B&W07*

   jasonbasin’s BLOGalicious BLOGavicious BLOGlorious
  *BEST&WORSTof2007*

  Here we go again on this year-end roundup of all things bitchyBest & witchyWorst in entertainment, pop culture, the world, and of course, my life of blogworthy  fabulocity.  I have painstakingly compiled my list with 100% of my own thought & opinion, and free of any influence from Best Year Ever, Entertainment Weekly’s Best of 2007, Perez Hilton on VH1, etc.   Some of you have salivated all year for this (I don’t blame you), while others are discovering it for the first time.  Trust me…you won’t be bitchappointed.  Let’s get it on!
  

  
  Best Media Circus
  The SEX & THE CITY MOVIE shooting throughout NYC.  The media attention was rabid, as every AccessInsiderEntertainmentHollywoodTonightTMZ and every girl and gay blogger infiltrated the Manhattan street sets and posted galores of on-location pics.  Sure, the downside of it all is that crucial plot points are seemingly revealed, like Carrie in a wedding dress attacking Big with a bouquet.  But like any of that is gonna stop every girl and gay from camping out at the theatres.  Witness the gorgeous lights, cameras, SATC action:
    
  

  
  Worst Media Circus
  PARIS GOES TOO PRISON garnered copious media attention, not only from the usual tabloid sources, but also from CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews, the AP.  They all covered this shit like a presidential assassination, when in fact, it was Paris’ ingenious assassination of media credibility. 
  

  
  Best Celeb Trend
  TEEN PREGNANCY.  Jamie Lynn Spears is single-vaginally bringing prom-mom-chic back to the mainstream, and I approve!  The horror exhibited by this preachy sanctimonious nation of ours is quite amusing, as news and entertainment bobbleheads follow up their reports with imperious commentary on the dangers of underage sex, and how to talk to your children about Jamie Lynn’s shituation.  NEWSFLASH fuckwads:  teens are having sex at 12 years old.  Jamie Lynn was the only idiot to get caught barefoot and pregnant.
  

  
  Worst Celeb Trend
  DENYING YOUR PREGNANCY.  That’s right, christinajennifernicoleaguileralopezrichie, I’m talking to you!  Not only did we not care about the rumors of their pregnancies, but they prolonged our not caring by not admitting to it until they could hide their bumps no longer.  And didn’t we already establish that 2005 was the official year of the celebaby?  How unfashionable in ’07.
  

  
  Best Relationship
  
  THE BECKHAMS.  They are so perfect and pretty, it’s disgusting.  They can do no wrong.  And by “they”, I mostly mean HIM.  
  

  
  Worst Relationshit
  
  HEIDI & SPENCER on ‘The Hills’
  

  
  Best Blond Tragedy
  ANNA NICOLE’s tragic death. It was ‘Best’ in that it made us care and even shed a bit of a tear. Or at least I did. I really liked her, and my heart truly ached a bit when this happened.  More on this in a bit…

  
  Worst Blond Tragedy
  Be Right back as I ThiNk of somEthing funnY.
  

  
  Best Feud
  Lauren vs. Heidi/Spencer on “The Hills.”  The eventual sit-down showdown between LC and Heidi engendered the best line in 2007 TV.
  LC to Heidi:  “I want to forgive you…and I want to FORGET YOU.”   snaaap!!
  

  
  Worst Feud
  
  Kanye West vs. 50 Cent.  The dispute: record sales.  The result: like we cared??!
  (ps – I think Kanye’s standing on a chair above).
  

  
  Best Unexpected Turn of Events
  OJ ARRESTED!  KAKAKA!!  *gush*  In a way, we expected it was only a matter of time before this happened.  Nonetheless, this was truly heartwarming.
  

  
  Worst Unexpected Turn of Events
  
  ANNA NICOLE’s death.  In a way, we expected it was only a matter of time before this happened.  Nonetheless, this was truly heartbreaking.
  

  
  Best Vocal Vengeance by an American Idol
  CARRIE UNDERWOOD’s Louisville-slugger “Before He Cheats”.  It was criminal in a sassy way.  She goes all vixeny-violent here and she’s never sounded or looked better.
  

  
  Worst Vocal Vengeance by an American Idol
  KELLY CLARKSON’s joyless downer “Never Again”.  It’s criminal in a Ghost Whisperer way.  Maybe that corpse Clive Davis was right…leave the songwriting to professionals, Kelly.  We want “Breakway”, not “break every bone in his body”.
  

  
  Best New TV Show
  
  PUSHING DAISIES.  I know I touted “Dirty Sexy Money” as the best new show after the first episode.  I retract that.  While DSM is still good, it’s Pushing Daisies that gets me feeling all sorts of mood-enhanced goodness…not just the really-craving-pie kind of goodness.  Each character is alive with spunk and likability, and I really love the dog’s name ‘Digby’.

  
  Worst TV Show Downward Spiral
  3. 24  – Last season was repetitive, awkwardly paced, and inconsequential.  Next season, Jack needs to either hunt down Osama, stop the assassination of Obama, or tell dry jokes to muslim terrorists that begin with “Yo mama…”
  2. NIP/TUCK — moving to LA was a mistake.  A really boring mistake.  The Carver needs to return, and kill the writers.
  1. HEROES — Hiro in feudal Japan.  Amnesiac Peter.  Sylar with no powers.  Nathan and that beard.  Season 2 wasted time and tested our patience.  Stop saving the good storylines and start saving the show.

  
  Best New America’s Sweetheart
  
  KATHERINE HEIGL.  This was SO her year.  From winning an Emmy to rocking the red carpet to the universally-loved “Knocked Up” to “27 Dresses” to a new marriage, she has stolen the sweetheart crown from…
  

  
  Worst Former America’s Sweetheart
  REESE WITHERSPOON.  This was SO not her year.  Her divorce from Ryan Philippe finalized, Ryan revealed his suicidal divorce depression which made her look like a heartless monster, her “Rendition” tanked (under $5 mil opening weekend) reinforcing the recent-Oscar-winning-actress curse, and America sent her a loud and clear message that all we want from her is Legally Blond 3 (and 4 and 5). 
  

  
  Best New Pet
  
  BUDDIE, my brother & Rosa’s little bundle of shih-tzu joy (my nephew).  Everyone just loves Buddie!   

  
  Worst Old Pet
  The dogs in my office.  My bosses’ hideous dogs remain the most despicable creatures in my life.  
  

  
  Best Meal
  BUBBA GUMP, Gatlinburg!  Our meal in Tennessee this summer was astoundingly good, and we have been preaching the holiness of Bubba Gump to anyone with a taste bud. 
  
  From the Seafood Hush Puppies (filled with shrimp, corn, mahi-mahi) to the Peel ‘n Eat Scampi Shrimp to…

  
  …Shrimp Stuffed with Crabmeat in a lemon butter sauce to the Bourbon Mahi-Mahi to the wondrous Blueberry Lemonade.  Everything was sublime!        

  
  Worst Meal
  As if.
  

  
  Best Tabloid Resilience
  
  KATIE HOLMES.  2007 was actually a pretty good year for her.  She managed to divert attention away from her freak of a husband, and instead made tabloid headlines with her wise apprenticeship under Victoria Beckham, her new fashion sense and bob haircut, her mothering of adorable Suri, and her NYC marathon achievement.  Tabloid hounds are no longer feeling sorry for her.  Instead they’re feeling sorry for…
  

  
  Worst Tabloid Resilience
  EVA LONGORIA & Tony Parker.  Not 6 months after their July wedding, did rumors about Tony having an affair start to circulate.  That’s just shameful, regardless of its veracity.  Eva and Tony have been of no value whatsoever to the tabloids ever since the climax of their summer wedding, and so it’s only natural that the rumor mill will start picking on them out of sheer boredom.  Tip to Eva:  start making your own news.  Have a baby.  Adopt an African baby.  Run a marathon.  Slap Teri Hatcher.  something.  anything. 
  

  
  Best Speech
  ALEC BALDWIN’s inspirational words to his daughter, Ireland: 
  “I’ve made an ass of myself… You have insulted me for the last time! You don’t have the brains or the decency as a human being… I don’t give a damn that you’re 12 years old or 11 year old, or a child, or that your mother is a thoughtless pain in the ass… you’ve made me feel like shit and you’ve made me feel like a fool… I’m gonna straighten your ass out when I see you, do you understand me?… You are a rude thoughtless little pig!”
  (A tidbit right now:  This speech is exactly what I imagine mine would be, if I were ever to get in touch with my ex-unstylishgal-friend who feloniously stalked Linda in 2004.  Well…that last line anyway). 
  

  
  Worst Speech, Such as…
  

  
  

  Best Diva in a Naomi-less Year
  VICTORIA BECKHAM.  In a year without (much) Naomi Campbell attacks, we look to another sexy-sassy exotic-looking attention grabber that can seemingly do no wrong in stilettos and an English accent.  Posh turns heads with not just her hubby.  She does it with her hair, her impossible skinniness, her perky boobs, her endearing accent, her “Coming to America” tv special, her puppet-mastery of Katie Holmes, and her Spice Girls reunion.  All this, and not a single cellphone hurled at a maid in a fit of unprovoked rage. 
  

  
  Best Diva in a Mariah-less Year
  CELINE DION.  I was all prepared to scoff at her studio-album comeback.  At first “Taking Chances” was weak and bland to me.  I rolled my eyes at every recent mention of her name.  Then I saw her lip-sync the song everywhere — on The View, Amercian Music Awards, Rockefeller Tree Lighting, World Music Awards — and I thought:  this skinny bitch can still sing!  Plus, she belted a cover of Heart’s “Alone” on her new album.  I mean, who does that?!  Not even Carrie Underwood attempted it for her album, even after her amazing live version on Idol.  Even in 2007, Celine is a still pro, a vocal powerhouse, and a true diva. 
  

  
  Worst Diva
  KANYE WEST.  Sure, we were all guilty of singing “…I’m the boss tonite, you could be my black Kate Moss tonite…” whenever “Stronger” played on the radio, but there was no bigger musical crybaby diva-bitch this year.  His MTV VMA’s diva rant of “c’mon MTV…give a black man a chance” (when he didn’t win any big awards and was reduced to a secondary stage performance) was utterly bitchslapworthy.  You know 50 Cent, Jay-Z, Timbaland and TI all sit together over beers and refer to Kanye as “that whiny little bitch”.
  

  
  Best Mess
  

  
  

  Worst Mess
  
  

  
  Best Reality Competition Judging
  PROJECT RUNWAY: Heidi Klum; Michael Kors; Nina Garcia. The perfect blend of bitchy, entertaining, and relevant (like my blog), P.Runway’s primary judging trifecta always delivers insightful and incisive commentary that often makes me KAKA.
  

  Runner-up: TOP CHEF.  I hang on their every word.  Food talk does that to me.  shocker.
  

  
  Worst Reality Competition Judging
  AMERICAN IDOL.  After so many seasons, Simon, Randy, and the clapping seal are tiresome. Whether it’s “dawg, it was a little pitchy to me”, “that was absolutely dreadful”, or “you have a beautiful smile, my dear”….we’ve heard it all before.  We’ll continue to hear it all again.  
  

  
  Best Print Ad
  
  DAVID BECKHAM’s ad for….  um, what is this ad for?  CK?  2Xist?  Hollywood Tans?  WHO CARES!  Look at him!  Jeez.  um, where was I?  
  

  
  Worst Print Ad
  
  I’m going to self-flagellate for this later on in private, but for now I must declare (my beloved) Mariah’s perfume ad as the worst.  She looks like a corpse here and all I smell is formaldehyde.  The near nudity is not necessary…target women buyers, not horny men and necrophiliacs.  Plus, the release of her perfume did not strategically piggyback off a new album or anything.  That’s just bad marketing. 
  

  
  Best Lesbian Achievement
  NONE.  Absolutely none.  Dykes contributed nothing to society this year. Amelie Mauresmo won nothing in tennis. Rosie O’Donnell left ‘The View’ in infamy and was verbally raped (I just threw up a little in my mouth) by the Donald.  Portia de Rossi is boring on Nip/Tuck.  Jodie Foster still hasn’t come out.  And Clay Aiken’s music was nonexistent on the charts.  Bad lesbs!
  

  
  Worst Lesbian Meltdown
  
  ELLEN on her talkshow, crying over her dog adoption “scandal”  A kid’s dog was taken away because Ellen botched the proper adoption procedure.  Or something retarded like that.  Boo-dyking-hoo, Ellen….get over it.  You’re effing rich.  Buy the kid 100 dogs.
  

  
  Best Futile Resistance
  JOINING FACEBOOK.  I’m hooked.  Need I tsay more?
  

  
  Worst Futile Resistance
  The Hollywood WRITER’S STRIKE.  Get back to work, peasants!  Give them what they want, corporate fuckers!  I need my shows back.   
  

  
  Best FunnyPerson
  
  KATHY GRIFFIN.  I LOVE HER.  K.Griff had a fab year, thanks to her gays.  Next month, cousin Jennifer and I are going to see her show live!  Allegedly.
  

  
  Worst Unfunny Person
  
  This loser on ‘Best Week Ever’
  

  
  Best Blatant Piggybacking on Rihanna’s “Umbrella”
  MANDY MOORE doing her own acoustic version.  It’s subdued and sublime.
  

  
  Worst Blatant Piggybacking on Rihanna’s “Umbrella”
  Chris Brown’s remix that interlaced Rihanna’s vocals with his own “you could be my Cinderella…ella…ella…ella….”  Fucking shameless and gross. 
  

  
  Best Achievement in Gay
  GAYS ON TV.  Wisteria Lane got its token gay neighbors (one hot, one not).  Oscar on ‘The Office’ overcame the gay witch hunt and is hilariously subversive.  Todd wins ‘Survivor China’.  Marc on ‘Ugly Betty’ is what every office bitch (including me) aspires to be.  Bravo TV is unstoppable.  Isaiah Washington is fired from ‘Greys’.  The only blemish on the gay entertainment scorecard:  ‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry’.
  

  
  Worst Achievement in Gay
  See Lesbian categories above.
  

  
  Best Intended Bitch
  
  WILHELMINA Slater on ‘Ugly Betty’.  She had the best lines of the year:
  “N!  I don’t have the energy to say NO anymore.” 
  “Come on Betty, I’m black, you’re mexican…let’s stop beating around the bush like two dull white people.”
  “I’m Wilhelmina Slater, I don’t get wet.”  (as she slammed Betty White’s hands in a cab door after stealing her taxi).
  

  
  Worst Intended Bitches
  The cast of GOSSIP GIRL.  Not enough bitchiness for me.  And frankly, not enough gossip either.  This show is barely getting by for me, especially when I’m currently enjoying DVDs of the immensely satisfying 1999-2000 WB show ”POPULAR”.  Now THAT was a salaciously sassy bitchy show.   Take some lessons, GG…thank you.
  

  
  Best Unintended Bitch
  CARRIE UNDERWOOD, KINDA BITCHY.  At first I had Carrie down as a Worst New Bitch, based on several reports that the country star is now a diva and kinda bitchy in person.  I’ve heard this from radio DJ’s, as well as from Linda who ran into her at the Soho Grand hotel where Carrie, upon being recognized, practically rolled her eyes and gave a look of annoyance.  Anyway, then I decided:  you go girl!  Carrie got super skinny this year and her music skyrocketed into the mainstream with “Before He Cheats”.  She is more gorgeous than ever and can practically do no wrong, musically.  I don’t blame her for developing a bit of bitchy self-confidence and Carrie Under’tude. 
  

  
  Worst Unintended Bitches
  FAT PEOPLE WITH ATTITUDE.  This year I saw several cases of FAT’TITUDE, and I was dismayed.  One nite, Linda and I were at Sushi Samba (Park Ave South) enjoying our lobster sushi, beef carpaccio and chilean sea bass, when this skinny girl and her fat white friend get seated next to us.  Our tables were pretty close to one another, so Linda politely moved her Chanel bag (black with the big white C’s) so fattie could “slide” past our table to the banquette.  Right when the cow sits and notices Linda’s bag, she snottily and loudly says to her friend something about how she just got a Louis Vuitton bag, as if directed at us.  wtf?  That was necessary, pig??  Throughout the course of the meal, shamu talks loudly and obnoxiously while her skinny pretty friend is barely audible and clearly embarrassed by her vocal BFF (Big Fat Friend).  We shook our heads in udder disbelief that this man-made island possessed such unabashed FAT’titude.  Did big mama not get the memo that she was fat and that her sole role in life is to be a pleasant chunky delightful sidekick to her skinny pretty friends??  (Second case in point:  Perez Hilton on VH1.  grossness.)
  

  
  Best Costume
  
  J.LOBSTER.  My Halloween lobster suit was succulent and clever, if I do tsay so myself.  

  
  Worst Costume
   
  They tried to fix my teeth/hair/makeup in rehab, I said no no no…
  

  
  Best Songs
  10. IDOLS w/ One Word Titles:  Chris Daughtry Home, Kimberly Locke Change, Jordin Sparks Tattoo
  

  9.  Peter Bjorn & John:  Young Folks
  

  8.  J.Lo:  Do It Well

  7.  Good Charlotte:  I Don’t Wanna Be In Love

  6.  The Killers:  Read My Mind

  5.  Augustana:  Boston
  

  4.  A Fine Frenzy:  Almost Lover

  3.  Alicia Keys:  No One

  2.  One Republic:  Apologize
  

  1.  Rihanna:  Umbrella
  

  
  Worst Song
  Soulja Boy …it’s jiggaboo gibberish at its ear-bleeding worst.  Let’s quickly move on.
  

  
  Best New Artist
  
  ONE REPUBLIC.  Don’t let the “Timbaland featuring One Republic…” thing fool you.  The music is all One Republic.  Timbaland is just giving them the publicity boost they need and the occasional vocal “eh…eh…eh.”  And why not?  Is there anyone who doesn’t love “Apologize”??  It was one of the year’s best songs, and elevated any slow-e-motion-al TV show scene like on Gossip Girl, The Hills, etc.  Check out their next soon-to-be hit:  Stop & Stare.
  

  
  Best Movie
  
  
  300 & BEOWULF.  I LIVE for movies like these.  I am a true sucker for special effects and grand scale action and cinematography.  300/BEOWULF’s imagery was astoundingly vivid and enthralling, and unlike anything we’ve seen before.  And I’m not gonna lie…all that male near-nudity swayed my decision. 

  Honorable mention:  THE SIMPSONS MOVIE. 
  

  
  Worst Movie
  TRANSFORMERS.  It pains me to pick this, because it was a childhood fave and I really really wanted to love it.  But alas, it was just kinda sorta a’ight.  I still can’t get over that one ridiculous annoying scene:  When all the Autobots are all in Shia LeBouf’s backyard making all that noise and knocking everything over, his idiot parents look out the window and don’t hear or suspect a thing.  It was a 10-minute slapstick scene that just killed the movie for me.  I wanted to walk out.
  

  
  Best New Friends
  Every year for us, a new friend or couple always emerges as our top new friends of the year.  This year, it’s STEVEN & PHYLLIS, our wonderful Bayonne friends, who in the span of a year, have racked up more hours and miles spent with me and Michael than probably any other set of friends.  We’ve dimsum a dozen times, seen a dozen movies, went for sushi a dozen times, and spent several joke-filled hours daytripping to Monticello and Asbury Park.  We’ve only been friends for a year, but we already like them better than some friends we’ve known for much longer.  Oops, did I say that out loud?
  

  
  Best New Friend, Xanga-Related
  
  Last year, wehoRoy and I transcended our mutual xanga admiration and became true BBFFs (bitchybestfriendsforever) thru daily IM chats and the logical notion that we were most likely separated at birth.  Well this year, something similarly wonderful happened…with VanessaO_o.  After years of xangacquaintance, VANESSA and I finally met face to face at my birthday party, and we’ve bonded over IM and lobstertalk.  In 2008, we eat our words…literally.  We’re meeting up for lobster.
  

  
  Worst Friend
  AUDRINA, Lauren’s weak roommate and boring “best friend” on The Hills.  With friends like Audrina, who needs….(YAWN, I’m too disinterested in her to complete the thought).  Audrina is the biggest bore on tv.  Not only has she never uttered one quotable line on the show (Whitney, I worship you!), but Audrina sucks the life out of every scene she’s in.  Her relationshit with JustinBobby was pathetic.  Makes me wanna burp in her face. 
  

  
  Best Parties
  Wii PARTiiS.  This year has seen just about everyone go the way of the Wii.  First my cousin & brother had it.  I played theirs and then we got it.  Bennifer & P.diddy played ours and they got it.  Keith played theirs and he go it.  Linda & Bao played ours and they got it.  And then I discovered Liz & Dexter, Grace & Will, Kurt & Glenn all have it.  Half of the xanga community have it and blog about it.  Now Leslie & Michael want it.  Who are these people you ask?  Doesn’t matter….go get a Wii!

  Honorable mention:  my Boatworks Block Parties (Sizzling Summer Fiesta and Blocktoberfest) were smashing successes.
  

  
  Worst Parties
  PITY PARTIES.  We all have problems in our lives.  Life is not always hunky-dory for everyone, but nobody likes a Debbie Downer.  Life is short, life is unpredictable, and life will humble you at every turn.  It’s up to us whether to wallow in self-sorrow or do something to make things better.  This is not directed at anyone in particular nor is it a reference to any party I’ve been to, god forbid.  It’s just a worthwhile thought for all of us, going forward. 
  

  
  Best, Simply the Best
  THE HILLS
  
  

  
  Worst, Just the Worst
  If your last name is SPEARS or LOHAN, you defied categories this year and are just truly the WORST.  

  
  Best Xanga Behavior
  STICKING WITH IT!  2007 saw the blogging departures of many xanga veterans.  I have to admit, at times I too feel like hanging up my typing apron and bidding farewell to lead a blog-less private existence.  But something keeps me here, something keeps me typing and posting and sharing, irregardless of eprops or comments.  Not sure what that something is — my appetite, my sense of duty, my need to vent and present?  I’d go with D). All of the above, and I’m gonna stick with it.
  

  
  Worst Xanga Behavior
  TAKING COMFORT IN YOUR ANONYMITY.  I love how I get visitors(stalkers) to my site whom I’ve never met, much less exchanged a xanga comment.  Visitors(stalkers) who read(stalk) me practically everyday, who ogle(stalk) every picture I post, and savor(stalk) my every word I write.  It’s really flattering(skeevy) and amusing(mildly annoying).  But what truly flatters and amuses me is how I can see everyone’s habitual(stalking) activity on my 3 different site meters & site trackers, and how I’ve sized up each reader(stalker) and made cursory judgments about them based on web stats, stereotypes, etc.  For instance, there’s the reader whose IP address is 207.xx.xxx and does a xanga search for “jasonbasin” every day or so.  And the one whose IP is 69.231.xxx.xx and clicks on me via the Gaysian blogring.  And the folks who google search “jason basin” “jason basin xanga” “jason basin bayonne” religiously.  And it’s ok that I’ve never gotten so much as an “LOL” comment from this person, this person, this person, this person, this person, this person, this person, this person, this person, this person, or this person.  I’m just happy(smug) and honored(self-righteous) to have such avid jasonbasin readers(hardcore stalkers).
  

  
  Best Personal Cathartic Moment
  
  TURNING 30 THIS YEAR.  Most of my friends are 28 or 29, and when they ask me how it feels to be 30, my first instinct is to stab them in the neck.  My second instinct is to retract the knife and calmly explain that it feels no different than my late 20′s, except now I feel more like an adult.  I feel like I deserve to be treated like an adult, as I can no longer hide behind the reckless guise of the experimental 20′s.  My life is what I’ve made of it, and now is time to continue solidifying and enhancing it.  The 20′s are a time for figuring things out and trying out new things.  The 30′s are a time to make good on your choices.  So to all of you hovering around 28, 29…don’t be afraid embrace 30.  (unless you’re morbidly ugly or fat….it only gets worse for you).
  

  
  Worst Personal Cathartic Moment
  
  TURNING 30 THIS YEAR.  Back in 2003 when I first started xanga’ing at the ripe young invincible age of 26, I scoffed at anyone on xanga over 30, and I made a mental note not to be “one of those pathetic old people blogging”.  But look at me now.  30 years and 2 months…pathetic, old, and blogging.  But not really.  I’m gorgeous, I’m skinny, I’m youthful and spirited, I have a fabulous life, I’m adored the world over, and I just wrote the best blog you’ve read all year!
  

  
  That said….

  HAPPY NEW YEAR, gays & girls! 
  And leave a comment or end up on next year’s Worst list, stalk(fuck)ers!

  
  

  • 4:26 pm
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