*BEST&WORSTof2008*
It’s time once again to close out the year on a blog high. It’s my favorite entry of the year and I work tirelessly to capture everything relevant this year in the news & celebuniverse, trends & atrocities, my own life & our collective existence. It’s my form of closure and it’s the only way I can move on to ’09. So without further delay, can we please read on, put a lid on this year, and try not to F up the next?
Best Blast From the Past
RETURN OF “SEX AND THE CITY” TO OUR LIVES. Girls and gays everywhere dreamed of this prodigious event ever since a part of us died in 2004. Carrie, Miranda, Char & Sam re-entered our lives in a (Mr.) Big way this year, filling a void of mature fabulocity that no other entertainment entity could effectively emulate. And not only was the movie quite good, but a sequel is in the works!
Worst Blast From the Past
RETURN OF NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK. I really didn’t need this. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t believe in this. No gay I know gets giddy for NKOTB; only 35-year-old moms who lost their virginity at 16 to “I’ll Be Loving You Forever” in their parents’ Long Island basement rec rooms.
Best Celeb Resilience
JENN ANISTON. Forever the sad girl dumped by Brad and shat on by Angelina. Jenn has had up and down years, and it seems this year she finally stepped out of the tabloid shadow and declared herself a hot commodity once again. Her end of the year acting success and media exposure were formidable: in comedies (Marley & Me, 30 Rock), on talk shows (Oprah, The View), on magazine covers (GQ, Vogue, Entertainment Weekly, NY Times Mag) looking all kinds of hot. If only she could hook herself up with a quality hottie like Ryan Gosling or now-single Clooney. 
Worst Celeb Resilience
LINDSAY. I’m too disinterested to type her last name. Her only non-tabloid appearance this year, in “Ugly Betty”, was entirely forgettable and not the comedic comeback that Britney achieved in “How I Met Your Mother”.
Best Diversion
FACEBOOK.
Status updates, wall-writing, friend requesting, photo tagging, old
classmate searching, ex stalking, SCRABULOUS. Like you didn’t do
all these things, all day every day?!! (wait, is it just me?) I think we’ve all grown to stop hating the new facebook format, and we’re doing less corny stuff like poking, hugging, and tending to our lil green patch gardens and aquariums. Facewhore’ing on….
Worst Diversion
FACEBOOK.
Before FB, I used to blog a lot more. I used to email people. I used to write letters. I used to call people. I used to see friends in person. I used
to not know (or care) that Jo is craving a turkey sandwich right now, Janice needs a nap, Alex has a wicked hangover, or Lucy has 56 friends in common with me. I used to wonder what some of my
friends were doing, who their friends were, what well-photographed parties they threw that they didn’t invite me to. But now I know everything. EVERY LITTLE THING.
Best YouTube Nonsense
CHARLIE CANDY MOUNTAIN. Like a magical leopluradon, this video captured my nonsensical giggles. Isn’t that right, Charlie? Charrrrrlieeee.
Worst YouTube Nonsense
MILEY CYRUS MAKES FUN OF SELENA GOMEZ & DEMI LOVATTO. Truly a waste of time. Don’t even bother to click on this. Miley’s big horse teeth are worthless when they’re not singing.
Best New Hottie
GABRIEL
MACHT, as “The Spirit”. He’s totally my new schoolgirl celeb crush.
Like, for real. Gabriel was great eye candy in a less-than-candy
movie.
Worst Notties
JONAS
BROTHERS (or this decade’s Hanson). Until they all shave their heads
and turn 30, there’s nothing to see here. Mmm’bopping on….
Best Return to Relevance
SNL. Thanks hugely to Tina Fey, Palin, the election, Amy Poehler, Kristin Wiig, Jason Sudeikis, great hosts (Hugh Laurie, James Franco, Paul Rudd), endless celeb cameos (Justin Timberlake, Queen Latifah, Cameron Diaz), and much more…this season I found myself not missing an episode.
Worst Return to Irrelevance
TV WRITERS. They caused such an uproar and ruckus last season, uprooting the progress and endangering the survival of many of our shows. And when things returned to normal, they gave us crappy stories and dialogue such as every iffy episode of “Heroes”, and from what I hear, “Greys” and “Private Practice.”
Best Death
ESTELLE GETTY. Picture it: Your living room, reruns on Lifetime, 4 times a day. We loved her like our own Ma and we were all her pussycats. She
lived a long and celebrated life, enveloped in laughter and adoration. If only we could all go out like that.
Worst Death
HEATH LEDGER. Like Anna Nicole last year, this death was too soon, too tragic, and too depressing. It started the year on such a down note. The news spread with a wildfire intensity like I’ve never seen before (within 5 mins of the news, I already had 7 IM conversations about it). When anyone dies from an overdose, it’s hard to resolve whether we feel more sadness or disapproval.
Best Accessories
A NEW BABY. This was the year that relevant babies finally entered my life (and kickstarted my auntcle duties). My brother & his wife had baby boy Tyler, and my best friend Linda had her little Colin. First time parents, for whom 2008 spawned their greatest gifts. Seeing these dear folks with their dear little ones, it’s hard to recall life before these adorable little bundles of joy joined the party.
Worst Accessories
BITTERNESS. Over the years I’ve encountered so many people who wear so much bitterness on their shoulders, and this year was no different. It’s glaringly obvious and ugly, it clashes with every outfit, it ages you like nothing else, it doesn’t photograph well at all, and it’s just plain unstylish. Bitter folks, take a chill pill and get over yourselves. You have your whole lives ahead of you to die sad and alone.
Best First 10 Seconds of a Song
COLDPLAY’S
“VIVA LA VIDA” violin-heavy intro is the most infectious, and
now recognizable, opening musical notes/chords/whatever you call it.
Worst First 10 Seconds of a Song
PINK’S
“SO WHAT” starts with that horrific “Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na…” that makes me
wanna drive an ice pick into my ear. But so what? According to my bleeding ear, the rest of the song is rather good.
Best Mini Vacay
ECCE BED & BREAKFAST in Barryville NY, to where my friends and I escaped for a memorable weekend in August. High up in the NY State Catskills, ECCE B&B offered us impeccable service, decor, views, relaxation, and BREAKFAST. I can not wait to go back!
Worst Permanent Vacay
UNEMPLOYMENT. This year was heinous for a lot of people. Getting laid off, downsided, let go, left in the corporate dust. It’s enough to make you wanna give it all up and go sell coconuts on a Hawaiian beach.
Best Scandalous Party Shirt
THIS ONE I WORE TO AN XMAS PARTY. My friend Lou hosted a big ‘Naughty & Nice’ xmas party with tons of horny people, and of course, my shirt was an easy target. One gaysian loved it and wanted to know where I got it. And I told the truth: Old Navy. Women’s medium. $10. When I bought it, I intended it as pajama top. When I wore it out, I got more attention than I needed. Tres naugh-tay.
Worst Scandalous Party Shirt
MY FRIEND DARWIN’S KILLER CLEAVAGE SHIRT at my 31st birthday party. Sorry my dear….while I adore you, I don’t j’adore this Fabio peekaboob look on anyone. However, he gets points for daring, stirring up the comments, and making my female guests look like nuns.
Best Friendly Feud
BEIJING OLYMPICS: US VS. CHINA FOR MEDALS. I believe the US won in total medals (110 to 100) but China won the Gold count (51 to 36). The Summer Olympics, btw, were entirely enjoyable and addictive. From Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson in Gymnastics to Phelps to Track & Field and Tennis. Hell I was even glued to the marathon speed-walking competition! And the drop-dead Opening & Closing ceremonies?? Awesomeness! London is shitting the hugest brick in Olympic host history for the next 4 years. Should’ve given 2012 to NYC.
Worst Unfriendly Feud
SHARON STONE VS. CHINA. Outraged like many at China’s policy on Tibet, Sharon Stone remarked in May that the devastating China earthquake was perhaps karma, and that came back to bite her in the ass. Sharon Stone should know that you don’t take on the world’s largest Communist power. China retaliated by saying they would ban her from ever filiming in China, but that’s pointless since no one’s hired her to film a movie anywhere in years.
Best New America’s Sweetheart
TINA FEY. Sarah Palin was handed to her on a silver platter, as were Emmy wins, “Baby Mama” success, “30 Rock” praise, Amex commercials, and the love of a comedy-starved, election-weary nation.
Worst Old America’s Sweetheart
KATHERINE HEIGL. She had such a great year last year, and this year she’s just an afterthought. A mere figment of some secondary character’s delusion. I don’t watch “Grey’s”, but I’m told it’s gone down the crapper. She needs to leave the scrubs and get herself into next year’s “Melrose Place”.
Best Commercial
FREE CREDIT REPORT.COM SINGING PIRATES COMMERCIAL. You’re lying if you say you never sang along to the most catchy ad ditty of the year.
Worst Commercial (it’s a tie)
DIRECT TV’s horridly tasteless and horrifically cheesy reenactments of movie scenes, from “T2″ to “Alien” to “National Lampoon’s Vacation”. But the WORST is the “Poltergeist” one featuring the little scary blond girl hocking free HD channels….who DIED. Truly tasteless.
MICROSOFT’S JERRY SEINFELD/BILL GATES DEBACLE. Truly awful and embarrassing. And it cost how many bazillions of ad dollars??
Best Return to TV
JOSHUA JACKSON ON “FRINGE”. Cute and cool, and doing a good job on the best new show of the season.
Worst Return to TV
90210.
I gave it a chance and I’ll continue to watch. But damn it’s boring.
90210 is merely a Little J to Gossip Girls’ Blair Waldorf. Even the
Kelly/Brenda reunion was much ado about nothing. Let’s hope next
year’s Melrose redux will be muuuuch better and bitchier. *SLAP*
Best Quotes
EVERYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF NENE’S MOUTH ON “REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA”:
“Tell her to flush her head down the damn toilet.”
“I’m not goin’ pretend to like either one of those bitches. I might forget and elbow the shit out of one of them.”
“We goin’ start bidding on this bitch at two dollars….Anybody want a bitch tonight? Anybody want a bitch tonight?”
“Close your legs to married men. Close your legs to married men. Close your legs to married men.”
“We’ll put her back in her place (*gonk)”
“BAM!”
Worst Quotes
EVERYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF SARAH PALIN’S MOUTH. From “Russia” to “pitbull” to “maverick this and you betcha that”. Everything that exited the pitbull pig lipstick lesbian soccer mom’s mouth was so bad….they were good!
Best Verdict
OJ SENTENCED TO 10 YRS IN PRISON! What did we ever do to deserve this second chance at justice?? You can get away with murder, but getting away with dumbassness….not so fast.
Worst Verdict
GOV’T DECISION TO BAIL OUT CORPORATE LOSERS. Banks, insurance giants, automakers…who’s next? Big tobacco??
Best Shameful Newscasting Moment Proliferated by YouTube
SUE SIMMONS ON NEW YORK’S NBC4 NEWS. Wait for it….wait for it…..
Now, watch it again…..watch it again.
Worst Shameful Newscasting Moment Proliferated by YouTube
WEATHERQUEEN SCARED OF COCKROACH.
Best Use of Footwear
BUSH GETTING A SHOE THROWN AT HIS DUMB HEAD
by a Pakistani journalist. No, wait. Two shoes! Get the steppin’
turkey.
Worst Use of Footwear
HE MISSED BUSH’S HEAD. Twice. D’oh!
Best New Vocab
PRESIDENT. ELECT. OBAMA. Now tsay it with me: President-elect Obama!
Worst New Vocab
BAILOUT. FANNIE & FREDDIE. JOE THE PLUMBER. MAVERICK. Now tsay it with me: STFU!
Best on TV (first half of the year)
LOST. The Oceanic Six. The island disappearing. All the flash-forwarding. Jack’s beard. The show just keeps getting better. And with only 2 more seasons remaining, it’s going to be a hell of a finish.
Best on TV (second half of the year)
GOSSIP GIRLS. Every episode of the fall season was exceptional tv. If you don’t agree, you don’t watch. How do I XOXO GG? Let me count the ways:
- The drama, the storylines,
the relationships. Smart writing and good plot decisions all around,
including dissolving the Serena/Dan coupling, Blair & Chuck’s
hate-lationship. I’m even a fan of Nate/Vanessa now. The only sour
note is Serena’s new dud, Aaron.
- It’s actually shot in NYC, not some Burbank or Vancouver backlot. It took Ugly Betty 2 seasons in LA before deciding to film in NYC this season, and Dirty Sexy Money only pretends to be NYC. Not since “Sex and the City” has THE city played such a starring role in such a necessary show.
- Nate’s body.
- Madchen Amick’s guest role as the conniving Duchess Catherine. Would someone please give this woman her own primetime soap?? Can she please be the next Amanda Woodward in next year’s “Melrose”??
- Serena’s hair.
- Everything that comes out of Blair’s mouth.
- The music, such as Youth Group “What Is a Life”, Deerheart “Breakdown”.
- Dorota
- Lily and Rufus, the best grown-up love story on TV these days.
- Chuck Basstard. Chuck Basshole. Bass out of hell.
Worst on TV
LIPSTICK JUNGLE/CASHMERE MAFIA. I gave Mangled Cashlip a chance and they both hugely disappointed. These women were not realistic as friends, or as NYC women. Why is it so hard to create a suitable SATC knock-off? Just hire 2 gay guys to write it, a dyke to dress it, and anyone but Lucy Liu to star in it.
Best Tactic for Staying off the Tabloid Pages
PARIS DOING HER “MY NEW BFF” SHOW ON MTV. Since she started this show, I’ve hardly heard a peep about her. No arrests, no accidents, no slapping paparazzi.
Worst Tactic for Staying off the Tabloid Pages
LINDSAY GOING LESB. And not just (muff)diving into dykedom, she does it with the most crack-ho looking she-boy, Samantha Ronson.
Best New Marriage
MARIAH & NICK. Part of me is relieved MC didn’t marry another Daddy Mottola, and she actually seems to be enjoying Nick Cannon. Another part worries that next year she’ll be….
Worst Divorce
MADONNA & GUY RITCHIE. Madonna should know it’s simply bad publicity to divorce in a new album/concert tour year. Britney had the common sense to do all her crazy shit last year, and focus on her comeback this year. Madge could learn a thing or two from Brit. Furthermore, I don’t need “Four Minutes” to tell you that Madonna’s music this year is certainly no “Womanizer”.
Worst Fake Marriage
HEIDI & SPENCER. I now pronounce you, douche & douchette.
Best Movie
3). My popular answer: CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON. Brad is gorgeous and sweet. Cate is resplendent. The cinematography is breathtaking. The epic tale of love and mortality unfolds delicately and artfully in David Fincher’s very capable hands. It’s this decade’s “Forrest Gump” with a dash of “English Patient” and a hint of “Great Expectations”. (One helpful tip to enhance your enjoyment: go pee halfway thru it, rather than tapping your feet hoping it ends before your water breaks).
2). My shameful answer: CLOVERFIELD. What can I say….I love destruction of NY movies and I love monsters. And I really really enjoyed this in the theatre.
1). My real answer: MILK. I watched it after I published this entry, and have since gone back to revise my pick. Milk is every bit as powerful and moving as everyone says after watching it. A huge criteria of a best movie to me is if I’m not constantly questioning a director’s direction. I didn’t once do that with this movie. Gus Van Sant did an extraordinary job of well-paced emotional storytelling. Sean Penn as Harvey Milk affects, saddens, moves, empowers and uplifts you. Having seen Brad in “Benjamin Button” and Clint in “Gran Torino”, Sean Penn delivers a far superior performance and deserves the best actor Oscar.
Worst Movie
INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF WHO THE HELL CARES. I did not like this at all.
Best TV Surprise
REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF …NEW YORK (in the spring), and ATLANTA (in the fall) .
Forget trying to come up with an SATC clone. Bravo’s Real Housewives
series have slipped into those shoes effortlessly. These fake women are the real deal.
Worst TV Surprise
ABC’S
MASSACRE CANCELLING of “Pushing Daisies”, “Dirty Sexy Money” and “Eli
Stone” in one fell swoop. That’s crABCzy! You expect this from NBC (Knight Rider, really??),
but not from ABC. It’s been heartbreaking, watching these shows with that awful feeling of finality. Who will fill my Wednesday void
of pie and Karen Darling?
Best Songs
My favorite songs of the year and the reasons why:
10). LENKA “The Show”
Because she’s adorable, sweet, and Australian. Ditto the song.
9). KATY PERRY “Hot N Cold”
Because
she says “And you PMS
like a bitch, I would know”. (I know guys who PMS like bitches). And
this one is much less annoying than that kissing-girls song.
8). T.I. “Whatever You Like”
Because stacks on deck, Patron on ice…. You grooved drunkenly to this song at some point in ’08, and you don’t
remember.
7). THE KILLERS “Human”
Because the Killers consistently try to bring back 80′s new wave in their own hipster way.
6). BRITNEY “Womanizer”
Because trailer-trash barbie
actually did it. She came back in a big way, doing it with another
toxic winner. She hit us baby one more time. She’s so lucky, she’s a star.
5). DAVID COOK “Always Be My Baby”
Because
when he took the stage on Mariah nite, he owned the nite with a truly
original rendition that should’ve served as his first single.
4). USHER “Love In This Club”
Because it’s a prettycrazysexycoolass song. And don’t you just wanna make love in this club, wherever it is.
3). O.A.R. “Shattered”
Because this was the year we all wondered “how many times can I break before I shatter”. I can’t get tired of this song. But how many times can I listen to it before hubby shatters my ipod?
2). MARIAH “I Stay In
Love”
Because this was supposed to be her record-shattering 19th #1 single. But the stars didn’t align for that to happen. I’m not sure what
happened to MC this year. The singles released on “E=MC2″ were just as
emancipating, but they just didn’t hit the charts like she usually
does. It’s a letdown for me, being the rabid MC fan I am. It cuts so deep it hurts down to my soul, My friends tell me I ain’t the same no more, We still need each other when we stumble and fall, How we goin’ act like what we had ain’t nothing at all now, Hey what I wanna do is ride shotgun next to you with the top down like we used to, Hit the block proud in the SUV, We both know our heart is breaking, Can we learn from our mistakes, I can’t last one moment alone, Although I know, We said let go but I kept on hanging on, Inside I know it’s over you’re really gone, It’s killing me cause there ain’t nothing that I can do, Baby baby I stay In love with you.
1). JASON MRAZ “I’m Yours”
Because the most quietly infectious song of the year is also the most
feel-good one. Adding to it that J.Mraz filmed the video in my beloved
Hawaiian island of Kauai, I instantly fell in love with the song, and
with Mr.AZ all over again. You and I both know he’s the remedy to
hum-drum over-produced pop pieces. And he’s poised to win a Grammy for
Song of the Year.
Worst Songs
3). MADONNA & JT “Four Minutes”
We’ve known Madonna for over 25 years, and these are four minutes of her life she should take back. It’s her weakest effort ever.
2). PUSSYCAT DOLLS “When I Grow Up”
This garbage song sounds so shoddily conceived, like some recording genius said “hey let’s write a song title that some stupid ass show like ‘America’s Next Top Model’ will eat up like coffee & cigarettes and get some slut-sista group to record it!”
1). DANITY KANE “Damaged”
Who the frak are DK and why do I care? I don’t.
Best Baby Behavior
SHAMELESS
BABY BRAGGING, OF YOUR OWN BABY. Go on, it’s ok. It’s YOUR baby.
You’re a first-time parent. You have every right and obligation to
show off and brag about the light of your life.
Worst Baby Behavior
SHAMELESS
BABY BRAGGING, OF NOT-YOUR-OWN BABY. It’s fine to be a new uncle,
aunt, god-whatever, but when your over-zealousness eclipses that of the
actual parents, you are officially out of control and everyone is rolling their eyes at you.
Best Impassioned Point of View
KEITH OLBERMANN’S WORDS ABOUT PROPOSITION 8 was truly surprising, moving and awe-inspiring.
Worst Impassioned Point of View
EVERYTHING THAT CAME OUT OF ELISABETH HASSELBACK’S MOUTH ON “THE VIEW” regarding the election, Prop 8, the war, politics, Joy’s opinions, Whoopi’s outfits. Somewhere, Satan is smiling up on his little minion.
Best Meal
DOCK’S OYSTER HOUSE, ATLANTIC CITY.
In April, I had the best meal there for my cousin Jennifer’s 21st
birthday weekend in AC. Dock’s is the Peter Lugers of seafood.
There’s no need to go into obsessive detail about how yummazing it all
was. Just click to enlarge the images and wipe the drool off your
keyboard.
Worst Meal
AS IF. ‘Worst Meal’ are 2 words I don’t allow in the same sentence.
Best Drink
MY
BLUEBERRY MOJITOS this summer were to die for. Nothing tastes like
summer like fresh muddled blueberries, mint, lime, sugar, tonic, and
rum. Contains 3 daily recommended servings of fruits&vegs, and
loaded with antioxidants!
Worst Drink
RUM
& COKE. At a really desperate moment on a really drunken nite when
the open bar was running dry, I asked the bartender for a rum &
coke. I sipped and gagged. Who drinks this?? It truly tastes like
ass.
Best New Friend
I
met so many new people this year and many budding friendships, thanks
to Facebook and various friends’ parties. But as in every other year,
only one individual emerges as my favorite new friend of the year. And
this year it’s TODD, of the Bob & Todd coupling. We met in the
summer and bonded over our alcoholism, the bed & breakfast weekend,
our inner artists, our love of Bob, and how freakishly alike we are.
Best Indication That I’m No Longer Young and Hip
I HAVE NO IDEA WHO DEMI LOVATO, SELENA GOMEZ, AND THE CHEETAH GIRLS ARE, and why they exist on this earth.
Worst Indication That I’m No Longer Young and Hip
I HAD NO IDEA WHAT “TWILIGHT” WAS until I saw the movie trailer.
Worst Lesson Learned in a Very Tough Year
WITH GREAT BITCHINESS COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. This year I learned a tough lesson that not everyone responds well to attitude and sass, esp not when they know you only as a sweet nice shiny happy person. It was partly my fault for not showing all sides of me, and so, lesson learned. From now on, to thine own self be true. I’m 31 now, and it’s too late in my life to prance thru life with that deceptive candy coating, when underneath, there’s a whole confection of sugary goodness and spicy madness.
Best Lesson Learned in a Very Tough Year
IT’S TIME TO MAKE SOME CHANGES. The economy, the election, housing, jobs, relationships, health,….it was a challenging year for any combination of reasons. Mortgages and rents we couldn’t afford. Deadend paycheck to paycheck jobs. That expensive shopping and restaurant habit. Weight gain, creaking bones, high blood pressure. Another mouth to feed, another life to worry about. Turning 30, turning 45. The shit just seemed to hit the fan, and the news was reminding us of it everyday. More than any other year, the events of 2008 have startled us, scared us, uprooted us, humbled us. And with all that comes the need to change. Changing the way you behave, the way you think, the way you live, the people you surround yourself with. I personally have adopted all these changes this year, and I’ve taken on a new outlook and approach to life. It may not work in the end, but it’s all I’ve got and it’s worth a shot. If at this same time next year I’m writing the Best & Worst of 2009 with the same effort and fervor, then maybe we will have done ok for ourselves in ’09.
Well, boys & girls. That’s my take on 2008, and I’m sticking to it. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
