It’s week 2 of the voting rounds, and the next 12 get their chance to make us love them.  This round is all about first impressions.  It’s their first real chance to make or change our perceptions of them — perceptions based on tv editing and mere snippets of their singing.  This is why SONG CHOICE is so incredibly crucial at this stage.  The easiest way to make us believe who they are is to pick songs that don’t shout IDENTITY CRISIS.  Unfortunately, just as with last week, identity crises abound this week. 

JASMINE MURRAY
A black girl singing a VERY white girl song.  Her “Love Song” was a travesty.  And it’s a shame because she’s a cute girl, with Brandy/Ashanti looks.  Should’ve sung Brandy’s “Have You Ever,” or even Beyonce “If I Were A Boy.”

MATT GIRAUD
I cringed from beginning to end.  Singing “Viva La Vida”….a choice so crazy and suicidal, he may as well have chosen “Viva La Vida Loca.”  His voice was weak and shrill.  Should’ve sung anything by Justin Timberlake, another weak and shrill voice, but loaded with style and soul.   

JEANINE VAILES
A black girl wanting to be a white guy group.  She looks like Destiny’s Child but she sings Maroon 5?  Terrible!  Should’ve sang Beyonce “Irreplacable.”  She has no chance.

NICK MITCHELL
Identity-crisis-on-wheels did his signature strong black woman song, although….I think he could’ve done something interesting with “Viva La Vida.”  VotefortheWorst.com is salivating over Nick making the top 12.  I’d say there’s no chance in hell of that happening.  Yes, we know underneath that freak show is an actual good voice.  But at this point, enough already.   

ALLISON IRAHETA
My ears always perk up when I hear “Alone.”  Her performance turned into like a crazy tiger attack — all that thrashing around and red hair like blood splatter.  But that’s a good thing…because it wasn’t boring!  It was exhilirating to see a new Kelly Clarkson emerging.  Her powerful voice excites me.  The top 12 would suck without her.

KRIS ALLEN
Cute white guy thinking he’s a black guy from the 80′s (who later became a white girl-guy and then a ghoul with no nose).  This is honestly the first time I recall seeing him sing.  He’s quite good.  He looks like a cross between John Stamos and Enrique Iglesias.  I would’ve chosen for him to sing Enrique’s “Escape” (a song, btw, which Kara DioGuardi wrote!  No joke).

MEGAN CORKREY
Her scary puppet bodily movements (and full arm tattoos) made me cringe.  I hated the song choice.  I think “Put Your Records On” is such a weak ass jump-roping song, but she did more with it than I could ever expect.  Her voice is unique and confident, and I’m intrigued.  I’m having trouble picking an ideal song for her, but that’s kinda good because I can’t quite figure her out yet.

MATT BREITZKE
His Tonic song “If You Could Only See” is not a song fans can rally around, no matter how well he sung it.  He should’ve sung something more soulful and Motown like “Stand By Me” or “My Girl.”  I hated his attitude while being judged.  He seems like an angry person. 

JESSE LANGSETH
I was excited by her choice of “Bette Davis Eyes,” but not so by her execution.  Gwyneth Paltrow actually did a much better job karaoke’ing this in “Duets.”  And her face makes me uncomfortable because frankly, she reminds me of that poor deformed creature in the 80′s Cher movie “Mask.” 

KAI KALAMA
Safe, boring, forgettable.  Unfortunately I can’t forget how terrible his hair is.  I’d respect him more had he done a complete image makeover — short hair, shaved face, teeth whitening — and gone the Jason Castro route with something islandy or reggae.  His song was tired and uninspired, and I’m not even wasting my energy coming up with a hypothetical perfect song for him.  He’s so done.

MISHAVONNA HENSON
White girl trying to be a guy band.  “Drops of Jupiter”…wtf?!  That song takes 5 minutes to rev up and achieve some semblance of recognizability, and all they get is 90 seconds.  For her, I would’ve chosen Katy Perry.  She could’ve benefited from some “Hot N Cold.” 

ADAM LAMBERT    
I love this guy, from the moment he auditioned to his Cher “Believe” in Hollywood.  Didn’t love the song he chose now, but he’s such a seasoned pro with such exciting rock star looks and rock star poise and confidence.  I would’ve loved loved loved to hear him sing one of my favorite punk rocker songs:  Billy Idol “Eyes Without a Face.”  I can already see my dream match-up for the Idol finale in May:  Adam Lambert VS. Danny Gokey.

SO WHO’S IS MAKING IT TO TOP 12?  
Adam Lambert, Allison Iraheta, Megan Corkrey.  There, I said it. 

I have this feeling in my gut that Oscar nite’s biggest surprise is gonna be one big upset.  And by upset, I mean: not the movie with the most noms (“Benjamin Button”); and not the movie with the most buzz and awards season wins (“Slumdog”).  That’s right folks.  I’m thinking “MILK” will steal the nite’s biggest plate of cookies, and here are my reasons, theories, and rationalizations:

- Having seen all the Best Pictures noms (except “The Reader”) I can, with a clear conscience, declare that “Milk” was my favorite.  And in my humble opinion, the best.  It was everything a best picture ought to be: dramatic, historic, empowering, moving, awesome ensemble acting, known actors in transformative roles, a heart-wrenching death, and above all, important and relevant. 

- “Slumdog” was perfectly fine and entertaining, but I didn’t see it on the big screen (rather, via a “Property of Fox Searchlight” disc), so I didn’t receive the full cinematic effect.  But I got the gist.  For me, it’s not the unparalleled golden goose I was expecting.  I personally relate to a 1970′s equal rights activist more than to an indian street urchin in love with a girl and winning big on a game show.  But that’s just me.

- “Benjamin Button” was a handsome picture for sure, but lacked that overwhelming reaction I expect from a best picture.  The old-lady-dying-in-the-hospital-telling-story gimmick is so annoying to me, and Cate Blanchett’s character is not all that likable for most of the movie.  Brad was fine, but no one’s showering any best actor awards on him.  And so many times in the movie I wanted to see the BIG scene…where a confession/revelation/devastation truly stops the heart, but there was none of that.  The whole movie seemed to be on valium for me. 

- So “Milk” was the only one I left the theater feeling truly at peace with — at peace with the acting, directing, writing, and overall impact.   

- Yes, “Benjamin Button” has the most Oscars noms, but that doesn’t really mean much these days.  It’ll win technical awards for sure.

- Yes, “Slumdog” has been cleaning up award after award, including the Globes, SAG, Critic’s Choice, BAFTA….

….BUT…..

- the Globes win doesn’t really mean much because the Hollywood foreign press is partial to anything that’s unexpected and international.  

- the SAG win was for Best Acting Ensemble.  The award was also won by the casts of “The Full Monty” and “Little Miss Sunshine.”  pffft.

- Oscar voters are about 6,000 actors, directors, writers,
producers, etc.  Americans mostly, working in and around the Hollywood system.  They prefer to reward an American film, to ensure them future work and future recognition, to feed their own species.  This was a topic of debate the year Gwyneth “Shakespeare in Love” Paltrow stole the Best Actress from Cate “Elizabeth” Blanchett.  Film critics rationalized that a win for Gwyneth is an investment in the young American actress and Hollywood stardom, over a relative British unknown.  (Of course, that theory would be refuted last year with Marion Cotillard’s Best Actress).  I just don’t see Oscar voters overwhelmingly awarding “Slumdog”, a movie that could just as easily have been subtitled and been the golden Best Foreign Language Film entry.  As with any influential/powerful group, the basic politics are present.  Holly won’t be Bolly woo’d that easily.

- It’s a post-Proposition-8 Hollywood/California/country.  There is anger and indignation over the issue, and gay is on everyone’s mind.  Gay is in everyone’s lives, esp the lives of these creative types casting the votes.  They need only look around their everyday lives to see the rainbow (if not at themselves): their stylists, publicists, agents, brothers, sisters, children, or if you’re Katie Holmes or Sarah Jessica Parker,….their husbands.  Gay is golden, and a vote for an award can also be a vote for what they stand for and believe in (or so I hope).

- “Milk” will be the Hollywood atonement for letting “Brokeback Mountain” lose to “Crash.”

So, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  If by the end of the show, I’m horribly wrong and “Slumdog” does indeed win the big prize (or worse….”Benjamin Button” does), then I’ll be humbled and bit disheartened.  And this entry will have been deleted to hide my prediction shame, without any evidence of my ever having posted it. 

Feast your eyes on these beauties, beasts!  This plate of (tooth)deca(y)dence awaited me on Valentine’s nite. 

The truly scandalous part is that these didn’t come from some
refrigerated display case at some frou-frou chocolaterie.  No, these
were made in my own kitchen by my own amazing hubbydoo, with bags of
Ghirardelli dark and white choco chips.  And the result:  BEST I’VE EVER HAD!

bubbyMichael’s five-cheese lasagne wasn’t so bad either.  Homemade lasagne is the one dish that I insist on having leftovers of because it just gets better the next day.

Valentine’s nite out at some expensive restaurant with the rest of the cliched cattle?  In THIS cesspool economy?  As if.

On Facebook, everyone’s playing along with the List-25-Random-Things-About-Yourself exercise.  I got inspired to do my own after reading those of many friends and truly enjoying them.  (And it makes for an instant xanga entry, so it’s doubly worthwhile).  Doing this made me learn a bit more about myself, and how I present myself to others.  While I tried to scale back the snarkiness, some of it has inevitably seeped thru.  Deal with it.  Now read it:

1. I overuse commas, …and ellipses in my writing. (And I talk in parentheses too much).

2. I hate talking on the phone. More than a minute on the phone is excruciating to me. Best to just email/text/facebook me.

3. I have a navel ring (a good incentive to keep the stomach flat)
which I got 10 years ago. After the piercing was done, I left the
parlour and the needle-fear nausea quickly caught up to me, and I
blacked out and fainted on St. Mark’s Place. I woke up with my cheek on
the sidewalk, with 3 japanese tourists pointing at me. I got up and
went into a store to get a Snapple to raise blood sugar. I fainted
again in the store! I completely dropped to the floor….and the
cashier sat me down and fed me the Snapple. I also have a tattoo…a
scorpion on my shoulder blade. No fainting there.

4. I’m pretty good at reading people, and can tell right away what
they’re all about. Because of this, I’m ambivalent towards most new
people I meet. But I love when my impressions are proven wrong and I
can click with the right person in an instant.

5. I walk super fast. No matter where I’m going, I walk like I’m late
and I zig-zag thru the NYC streets like a gazelle. I have no patience
for slow walkers or sidewalk hogs or diagonal walkers who walk right
towards you for no apparent reason. I bypass them with a quickness and
get on with my life.

6. I once ate 7 slices of cake/pie/ice cream cake at a party because
the hostess didn’t want leftovers. If you don’t believe me, I have
witnesses (who had looks of horror).

7. True story: After being enthralled by the movie “Coyote Ugly” in
2001, I enrolled in bartending school. After graduating, I moonlighted
as a weekend bartender for a year at a gay piano bar called Pegasus.
That’s where I met my hubby Michael almost 8 years ago. All thanks to
“Coyote Ugly.” You can’t fight the moonlight, y’all.

8. My smile has gotten me out of trouble quite a bit when I was
younger. But in my mature days, it’s gotten me into all kinds of
trouble because it hides what lies beneath. To avoid any further
confusion, I’m currently working on my scowl.

9. My skincare regimen consists primarily of Noxzema and Clearasil. No, not back in 1993….in 2009.

10. I hate making small-talk with people. I’m not good at it, and it’s
a waste of time for me. I’d rather stand in silence in an elevator and
stare at the floor. If someone tries to strike a convo with: “It’s
gettin cold out there”, I’ll be thinking: duh, it’s January, what’s
your point?? But I’ll just nod and fake a smile. Unless I’m
drinking…I’ll talk to anyone about anything.

11. Relatedly, strangers in elevators always tell me “You look like
that asian dude from ‘Oz’ and ‘Law & Order.’” To which I roll my
eyes and reply: “Yes, I know….BD Wong….everyone tells me that. I
don’t think so, but whatever.” ugh. I guess it’s a step up from the
usual “You look like Short-round from Indiana Jones.”

12. Some people tend to lose things, some people spill things. I break
things…A LOT, especially while washing and putting away dishes. I get
upset, but then I think about shopping for new stuff at Crate &
Barrel and I feel better.

13. I have the softest hands. I lotion every single day, head to toe,
since I was a child when I started playing with mom’s Ponds and
Clinique lotions. But it’ll still hurt when I slap you.

14. I am absolutely addicted to watching tennis. The 4 grand slam
tournaments — I watch hundreds of hours of tennis. It’s my one
lingering straight gene.

15. I’ve been writing on my blog since 2003. I’ve put my life and
thoughts out there for the public to read, and I do my best to be
relevant, entertaining and real. I’ve garnered 99% positive feedback
and hundreds of adoring fans over the years. That 1% negative, they can
all suck it.

16. My favorite celeb/entertainer is Mariah Carey. My close friends
know this and they still tolerate me anyway. I’m aware she turns off
many people, but she’s my ultimate diva goddess. I’ve followed her
career since 1990 and her music is my lifeblood. I’ve been to 5 of her
concerts, know every song, and get upset when her songs don’t hit #1.

17. I can now admit that I’m a GREAT cook. Not creative-genius ‘Top
Chef’ great, more like stay-at-home-mom great. I’ll browse the fridge
and pantry and whip up a complete meal with what I have. I truly love
to eat, love to feed, love food shopping, love to obsess over a recipe,
love to plan a menu, love to create a great plate.

18. I have the worst neck phobia. When I see a throat getting slashed
in a movie, I have to look away and I writhe in my seat. If someone
hugs me and their shoulder hits my neck, I’ll jump back 5 feet and
scream. If someone from behind touches my neck, my elbow will find
their nose and break it before I know what happened. I once got a fancy
hotel spa facial, I had fallen asleep, the facialist touched my neck
while cleaning my face, I screamed, then she screamed. I apologized a
thousand times and tipped her really well.

19. I’m not as well liked as I thought I was. I can count at least 10
people who I’ve royally pissed off over the years and who now hate my
guts — friends, employers, outright enemies. They can all suck it.

20. Michael and I have 2 kitties, Kittydoo and Wuzzy (real names are
Molli & Wolli, but we never call them that), who are the joys of
our lives. I hate to be one of those crazy pet people, but I am.

21. Every week I visit my family in Queens. We have dinner, and I sleep
over in my old room (replete with stuffed animals and Mariah Carey
poster). I originally did it for my mom’s sake to alleviate my guilt
for moving out years ago, but now I love seeing my family each week and
we always have a chinese feast. I realize I’m very lucky to have my
family close by.

22. I was not gifted with any enviable measure of special talents or
abilities. (Can’t sing, dance, or play an instrument. Not wealthy,
tall, super-smart. Don’t possess financial acumen or career ambition).
But one thing I was blessed with — my crazy metabolism. I weigh 109
lbs now, gaining one lb. a year. I’m not gonna lie….my metabolism IS
the 8th wonder of the world.

23. I sleep with 2 teddy bears, one of whom I’ve had for over 25 years…and I will murder anyone who messes with it.

24. Michael and I “got married” in Vegas in 2003. That’s when and where
Michael gave us our commitment rings, in our Bellagio suite,
overlooking the dancing fountain and Eiffel Tower, with champagne,
choco-strawberries, and roses. It was the best surprise of my life.
Incidentally, “Honeymoon in Vegas” is one of my favorite movies.

25. I’ve decided that my life needs to revolve around food,
flowers/gardening, and/or my own art and writing….and I need to start
on that before my life slips away. My ultimate dream is to open a
bakery/flower/art shop, combining all my greatest passions. And my
staff would consist of only the cutest puppies and kittens and teddy
bears, and Mariah Carey would sing in my shop for free.

BONUS:
My death-row meal would consist of: bacon, egg & cheese on a
toasted buttered poppyseed roll; cinnamon french toast with powdered
sugar and coconut syrup; and a Dunkin Donuts coffee with half&half
and 2 sugars. (… and McDonalds’ fries and Filet-o-Fish; a Burger King
chicken sandwich; one perfectly seared scallop and a lobster tail; and
a perfect crunchy blueberry muffin top).