March 18, 2009

• *IDOL11*

  It was the dreaded country music nite, aka, the episode I have zero tolerance for unless I know and like the song.  The viewers dread it more than the contestants, and Simon dreads it more than anyone.  But the nite was salvaged by a few country love ballads from a coupla dudes. 

  MICHAEL SARVER
  Hated it.  Hate him.  I hate his singing.  I hate looking at him.  I hate his birthing hips.  I hate his weird alien-y insect-y brow/forehead precipice.  Just leave.

  ALLISON IRAHETA
  Meh.  She was sounding all kinds of Miley Cyrus to me, and me no likes no Smiley Virus.  I just need Allison around long enough to actually sing Kelly Clarkson. 

  KRIS ALLEN
  When the episode began, I decided not to do a review.  I gave up all hope for an episode worthy of commentary.  But then Kris sang.  And he made me feel his love.  And I hope he feels my love.  Because I love this guy more and more each week.  He’s the smart guy who takes a throwaway throwuppy theme like country nite, and turns in a safe but soothing performance.  Well done.  

  
  LIL ROUNDS
  I cackled when Simon called her Little.  Lit-ul.  kakakaka.  Little seems to have a wardrobe issue.  Her 1980′s prom outfits are tragique, and she needs a long wig.  She’s also a lil too precious to me for a black chick.  I’d like her to get a lil mean and attitude’y.  Danny Gokey has more convincing black chick ‘tude than she does.

  
  ADAM LAMBERT
  Adam’s middle-finger-to-country-music performance was ballsy and irreverent.  I thought Randy Travis’ skeletal face was gonna turn stone-cold corpsey.  However Adam chooses to interpret a genre, you definitely can’t call him boring.  Thank god for him this year.

  SCOTT MACINTYRE
  I applaud Paula for calling out the blind-man-and-his-piano, the pink blind elephant in the room.  And I applaud Simon for attacking Paula for being impolite.  It kills Paula whenever Simon calls her out.  I was never a fan of this guy and I don’t think I’ll ever be.  

  ALEXIS GRACE
  She DOES look a lot like Dolly!  Her “Joleen” was much better than Brooke White’s last year.  I’m starting to like her.  

  DANNY GOKEY
  When they said he was singing Carrie Underwood, I got all atingle imagining “Before SHE Cheats.”  But nooooo.  “Jesus Take the Wheel”…ugh.  I can’t relate.  I’m not into religion, and I don’t drive.  Danny’s appeal is dissipating for me.  Jesus took it. 

  ANOOP
  “Always on My Mind”.  Love the Elvis version.  Love the Pet Shop Boys version.  Even love the Fantasia version.  Loved Anoop’s version.  I’m thrilled he bounced back because he deserves to stay longer.

  MEGAN CORKREY
  Her face is undeniably gorgeous.  Her shoulder dancing is annoying as fuck.  And does this woman own sleeves?  I agree her voice tone is intriguing and unique, but I would just love for her to do a serious love ballad, rather than her quirky, folksy, vaudeville-y performances.  You’re singing for a music career, not a children’s birthday party.    

  MATT GIRAUD
  His piano “So Small” was not bad, but his vocals are still not on par with some others.  Does he deserve all the praise he got from all 4 judges?  No.  Just some.  Take his piano away and see how great, or small, he is.

  BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT:  Kris Allen
  

  WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE NIGHT:  Paula.  Her repeated failed attempts at 3 and 4 syllable words were, as Simon might say, “like watching a pink blind elephant trying to squeeze into Lil Rounds 80′s prom dress….clumsy, laughable, and ultimately, sad.”

  WHO’S GOING HOME:  Michael Sarver

  • 1:25 am
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