10 THINGS THAT MADE MY MAY
A little late for rehashing May, but I’ve gone a whole heinous month without a new entry. For shame on me! Here are 10 mah-velous things that distracted me from blogging.
10). THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ
If you think about the Bravo Housewives series and everything it stands for (wealth, bitchery, insanity, plastic in their wallets, plastic in their faces, wigs and weaves, heels and fancy meals, fingernails, women you wanna slap), NJ was inevitable. There’s
the one with the big hair, the one with the Joisey accent, the one with
the way-orange spray tan. And that’s all the same wife: Theresa!
From the getgo, these wives will have you going “oh gawd.” And if you
haven’t changed the channel by the first commercial break, then fluff
up your “bubbies” and consider yourself hooked. Bravo has hit the
housewife nail on the head with this quintet of bitchy table-flipping Carmela
Sopranos. We don’t exactly have any emergent Jills, Bethennys or NeNes
yet, but DinaCarolineJacquelineTheresaDanielle are already leaps and
bounds more entertaining than any of the OC wives. These are my ladies of the Garden State (Parkway). 
9). PLEDGE FABRIC SWEEPER FOR PET HAIR
I
have 2 cats that I love to death. But at times they shed so much fur
all over everything (the bed, rugs, couch, clothes) that I sometimes
wanna toss them out the window or just shave them bald. Well now along
comes the best fight against pet hair: the Pledge Fabric Sweeper.
It’s a handheld rolly-doo-dad that picks up and traps fur. I use it
everyday and completely satisfies the clean freak within. I can now love my cats and clear away any trace of them, at the same time!
8). CHRISETTE MICHELE “BLAME IT ON ME”
I
first saw her perform on David Letterman. I wasn’t paying attention to
the TV (I think I was Pledge sweeping the couch). Then I heard a
soulful-bluesy-power-voice reminiscent of Alicia Keys, Jill Scott and
even Adele. “Blame It On Me” is a robust slow-pounding ballad that
deserves as much, if not more, radio-play as any Beyonce single. Have a listen here and you will love.
7). SPENCER PRATT ON “THE HILLS”
Oh
Spencer. The preeminent reality show douchebag we’ve loved to hate,
has this season transcended to the one we just love. In a season of
marginalized LC storylines (she’s leaving), beefed up She-Pratt
shenanigans (she’s a gnarly dumbass), and Audrina-Brody-Jayde
dra(yawn)ma, Spencer’s reliable verbal assholery has turned into
outright comical gold in a sea of tarnished silver. His
interactions/altercations with Stacy the bartendress, Heidi’s mom,
Steph’s ex Cameron, Heidi’s bible-babbling Colorado
ex, Heidi’s cowboy dad, and the relationship therapist are instant
Hills classics. And finally, his apology phone call to his nemesis LC
was truly shocking. Shockingly cordial, shockingly articulate,
shockingly humble, shockingly undouchebaggy, shockingly admitting to spreading those LC-sex-tape rumors he’s denied spreading for seasons. Now if only we can get
him and Kelly Cutrone in a scene together….
6). CLAY AIKEN VS. ADAM LAMBERT FEUD
It’s mostly a one-sided feud, started by one bitter bitch over losing the gay Idol spotlight he’s held for so long. Yes, Gay Aiken apparently criticized Adam Lambert’s “Ring of Fire” recently as “contrived,” “awful” and “slightly frightening” on his blog, and alluded to favoritism by judges on Adam over Kris. Well, Adam retaliated courteously but bit(ch)ingly by saying: “I’m glad he’s getting headlines now though, because he wasn’t before….If he wants to ride my coattails about it, good for him.” End of bitchiness for now. Clearly there’s a bitter has-been gay Idol here and his name rhymes with GO-AWAY. And clearly there’s a new gay on the Idol block who knows the musical world is his oyster, while Clay is grasping at barnacles. Let’s hope the cease-fire doesn’t last. 
5). “LOST” SEASON FINALE
Non-LOST
watchers are probably sick to death of my mentioning how good this show
is. But I won’t be content until everyone I know has been immersed
into the intricate intriguing world of the consistently best show on
tv. I am still haunted, mystified and satisfied by the fifth season
ender. Just enjoying the episode was not enough for me though. I
needed to understand the episode to the fullest extent possible. To
that end, I turned to the best review written on it at EW.com. It’s very long (7 in-depth pages) but a VERY worthwhile read for Lost-aholics.
4). “THE FUNERAL” by BAND OF HORSES
This
haunting
teen-tv alterna-rock song favorite is the new “Hallelujah.”
Already heard this season on “Gossip Girl” and the “90210″ season
finale, this is the perfect grim anthem to capture the final scene
where someone dies, breaks up, or hits someone with a car
(I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Summer-style) while crying because she got
shame-yelled in the face by nemesis Naomi at a post-prom party. Yes,
90210Annie, I’m talking to you. Listen here.
3). CLEAN & CLEAR ADVANTAGE ACNE SPOT TREATMENT
I’ve
been battling acne for nearly 20 years now, from the incessant
breakouts in my teens to the far-too-frequent spot zits in my 20′s and
now, ugh, 30′s. And for those 20 complexionally combative yrs, my
weapon of choice has been Clearasil in all its forms: benzoyl peroxide
creams, salicylic acid gels, etc. In battle terms, Clearasil is like a
shotgun. Well now I have a machine gun! It’s Clean & Clear’s
Advantage Fast Clearing Acne Spot Treatment. The package boasts an audacious claim:
“100% of users saw fewer pimples in just 1 day.” NO FUCKING WAY,
thought I. But I was happily wrong. After a day or so, zits that were normally
resistant to other creams, started to dissipate noticeably. I have
been won over, and my skin is forever thankful.
2). GLEE
No
better title for a show that gives you that very eponymous feeling.
The teaser pilot episode we got is a good sign of things and singing to
come in the fall. The cast is impeccable, with hottish Matthew
Morrison as the impassioned chorus teacher, the hysterical Jane Lynch
(from “Role Models”), and students plucked from “Spring Awakening.”. If
you don’t find yourself at least tapping your feet along during the
musical numbers, then please check yourself into the morgue. Watch the
pilot and fill yourself with sheer GLEE.
1). MY BLACKBERRY CURVE 8900
I
have been technologically emancipated from a prison of not having
mobile access to email/internet/facebook/blogging. (Or am I now
technologically imprisoned by these mobile means?? Hmmmmm). Anyhoo,
since getting my swanky new Blackberry Curve 8900 last month, I have
fully unleashed the “internet monster” that an ex-friend once viciously
(and correctly) called me. Facebook status updates that occur in real time (“Jason is inhaling a lobster roll”, “Jason is stalking Mariah”, “Jason is bleeding to death”), mobile
photo uploads, an actual real web browser in the palm of my hands. The Curve has its fair share of nifty apps, so it fills the iPhone void (I won’t succumb to you, AT&T!). And last but not least, BBM.
Blackberry Messenger links your other BB friends into a super-convenient proprietary IM world
right at your fingertips. Most of my closest friends are Crackheads already, so Blackberries unite!
Here’s a recent gorgeous food/friends outing I had, the fun and frolic of which were captured (awesome camera phone) and shared (Facebook postings) on my Curve:
A leisurely Friday lunch at Saks Fifth Ave with Linda and Leslie.
Dessert with lunch, always. Creme brulee and mille crepe cake.
