June 2, 2009

• *10THINGS/MAY

  10 THINGS THAT MADE MY MAY
  A little late for rehashing May, but I’ve gone a whole heinous month without a new entry.  For shame on me!  Here are 10 mah-velous things that distracted me from blogging. 

  10).  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ
  If you think about the Bravo Housewives series and everything it stands for (wealth, bitchery, insanity, plastic in their wallets, plastic in their faces, wigs and weaves, heels and fancy meals, fingernails, women you wanna slap), NJ was inevitable.  There’s
  the one with the big hair, the one with the Joisey accent, the one with
  the way-orange spray tan.  And that’s all the same wife:  Theresa! 
  From the getgo, these wives will have you going “oh gawd.”  And if you
  haven’t changed the channel by the first commercial break, then fluff
  up your “bubbies” and consider yourself hooked.  Bravo has hit the
  housewife nail on the head with this quintet of bitchy table-flipping Carmela
  Sopranos.  We don’t exactly have any emergent Jills, Bethennys or NeNes
  yet, but DinaCarolineJacquelineTheresaDanielle are already leaps and
  bounds more entertaining than any of the OC wives.  These are my ladies of the Garden State (Parkway).
   

  
  9).  PLEDGE FABRIC SWEEPER FOR PET HAIR 
  I
  have 2 cats that I love to death.  But at times they shed so much fur
  all over everything (the bed, rugs, couch, clothes)  that I sometimes
  wanna toss them out the window or just shave them bald.  Well now along
  comes the best fight against pet hair: the Pledge Fabric Sweeper. 
  It’s a handheld rolly-doo-dad that picks up and traps fur.  I use it
  everyday and completely satisfies the  clean freak within.  I can now love my cats and clear away any trace of them, at the same time!
  

  8).  CHRISETTE MICHELE “BLAME IT ON ME”
  I
  first saw her perform on David Letterman.  I wasn’t paying attention to
  the TV (I think I was Pledge sweeping the couch).  Then I heard a
  soulful-bluesy-power-voice reminiscent of Alicia Keys, Jill Scott and
  even Adele.  “Blame It On Me” is a robust slow-pounding ballad that
  deserves as much, if not more, radio-play as any Beyonce single.  Have a listen here and you will love.
  

  7).  SPENCER PRATT ON “THE HILLS”
  Oh
  Spencer.  The preeminent reality show douchebag we’ve loved to hate,
  has this season transcended to the one we just love.  In a season of
  marginalized LC storylines (she’s leaving), beefed up She-Pratt
  shenanigans (she’s a gnarly dumbass), and Audrina-Brody-Jayde
  dra(yawn)ma, Spencer’s reliable verbal assholery has turned into
  outright comical gold in a sea of tarnished silver.  His
  interactions/altercations with Stacy the bartendress, Heidi’s mom,
  Steph’s ex Cameron, Heidi’s bible-babbling Colorado
  ex, Heidi’s cowboy dad, and the relationship therapist are instant
  Hills classics.  And finally, his apology phone call to his nemesis LC
  was truly shocking.  Shockingly cordial, shockingly articulate,
  shockingly humble, shockingly undouchebaggy, shockingly admitting to spreading those LC-sex-tape rumors he’s denied spreading for seasons.  Now if only we can get
  him and Kelly Cutrone in a scene together….

  6).  CLAY AIKEN VS. ADAM LAMBERT FEUD
  It’s mostly a one-sided feud, started by one bitter bitch over losing the gay Idol spotlight he’s held for so long.  Yes, Gay Aiken apparently criticized Adam Lambert’s “Ring of Fire” recently as “contrived,” “awful” and “slightly frightening” on his blog, and alluded to favoritism by judges on Adam over Kris.  Well, Adam retaliated courteously but bit(ch)ingly by saying: “I’m glad he’s getting headlines now though, because he wasn’t before….If he wants to ride my coattails about it, good for him.”  End of bitchiness for now.  Clearly there’s a bitter has-been gay Idol here and his name rhymes with GO-AWAY.  And clearly there’s a new gay on the Idol block who knows the musical world is his oyster, while Clay is grasping at barnacles.  Let’s hope the cease-fire doesn’t last.
  

  
  5).  “LOST” SEASON FINALE
  Non-LOST
  watchers are probably sick to death of my mentioning how good this show
  is.  But I won’t be content until everyone I know has been immersed
  into the intricate intriguing world of the consistently best show on
  tv.  I am still haunted, mystified and satisfied by the fifth season
  ender.  Just enjoying the episode was not enough for me though.  I
  needed to understand the episode to the fullest extent possible.  To
  that end, I turned to the best review written on it at EW.com.  It’s very long (7 in-depth pages) but a VERY worthwhile read for Lost-aholics.

  4).  “THE FUNERAL” by BAND OF HORSES
  This
  haunting
  teen-tv alterna-rock song favorite is the new “Hallelujah.” 
  Already heard this season on “Gossip Girl” and the “90210″ season
  finale, this is the perfect grim anthem to capture the final scene
  where someone dies, breaks up, or hits someone with a car
  (I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Summer-style) while crying because she got
  shame-yelled in the face by nemesis Naomi at a post-prom party.  Yes,
  90210Annie, I’m talking to you.  Listen here.

  3).  CLEAN & CLEAR ADVANTAGE ACNE SPOT TREATMENT
  I’ve
  been battling acne for nearly 20 years now, from the incessant
  breakouts in my teens to the far-too-frequent spot zits in my 20′s and
  now, ugh, 30′s.  And for those 20 complexionally combative yrs, my
  weapon of choice has been Clearasil in all its forms:  benzoyl peroxide
  creams, salicylic acid gels, etc.  In battle terms, Clearasil is like a
  shotgun.  Well now I have a machine gun!  It’s Clean & Clear’s
  Advantage Fast Clearing Acne Spot Treatment.  The package boasts an audacious claim: 
  “100% of users saw fewer pimples in just 1 day.”  NO FUCKING WAY,
  thought I.  But I was happily wrong.  After a day or so, zits that were normally
  resistant to other creams, started to dissipate noticeably.  I have
  been won over, and my skin is forever thankful.

  
  
  2).  GLEE
  No
  better title for a show that gives you that very eponymous feeling. 
  The teaser pilot episode we got is a good sign of things and singing to
  come in the fall.  The cast is impeccable, with hottish Matthew
  Morrison as the impassioned chorus teacher, the hysterical Jane Lynch
  (from “Role Models”), and students plucked from “Spring Awakening.”. If
  you don’t find yourself at least tapping your feet along during the
  musical numbers, then please check yourself into the morgue.  Watch the
  pilot and fill yourself with sheer GLEE.

  
  1).  MY BLACKBERRY CURVE 8900
  I
  have been technologically emancipated from a prison of not having
  mobile access to email/internet/facebook/blogging.  (Or am I now
  technologically imprisoned by these mobile means?? Hmmmmm).  Anyhoo,
  since getting my swanky new Blackberry Curve 8900 last month, I have
  fully unleashed the “internet monster” that an ex-friend once viciously
  (and correctly) called me.  Facebook status updates that occur in real time (“Jason is inhaling a lobster roll”, “Jason is stalking Mariah”, “Jason is bleeding to death”), mobile
  photo uploads, an actual real web browser in the palm of my hands.  The Curve has its fair share of nifty apps, so it fills the iPhone void (I won’t succumb to you, AT&T!).  And last but not least, BBM. 
  Blackberry Messenger links your other BB friends into a super-convenient proprietary IM world
  right at your fingertips.  Most of my closest friends are Crackheads already, so Blackberries unite!

  Here’s a recent gorgeous food/friends outing I had, the fun and frolic of which were captured (awesome camera phone) and shared (Facebook postings) on my Curve: 

   
  A leisurely Friday lunch at Saks Fifth Ave with Linda and Leslie.

   
  Dessert with lunch, always.  Creme brulee and mille crepe cake.

  
  Rockefeller skankas.
  

  • 9:56 pm
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