BEST&WORSTof2009

It's time once again to close out the year on a blog high, as I've done in 2008, 2007, 2006, 2005....you get the idea.   It's my favorite entry of the year (not that I write much anymore) and I work tirelessly to capture everything relevant this year in the news & celebuniverse, eats & entertainment, trends & atrocities, my own life & our collective existence.  It's my form of closure and it's the only way I can move on to the next unpredictable year.  So here is my take on the Best and Worst of the year.  Feel free to disagree...I just don't need to hear about it. 


Best Sexiest Man Alive

BRADLEY COOPER.  He was always a looker, but "The Hangover" totally elevated his hotness.  We're all about Bradley.  We're just that into him.   


Worst Sexiest Man Alive

JOHNNY DEPP, People Magazine's actual pick for Sexiest Man Alive (awful cover pic, btw).  Dear People Mag: 2009 called and said it's not 2003 anymore.


Best Shenanigans
TIGER WOOD'S AFFAIRS.  Skanks crawled out of the woodw(h)or(es)k with each passing day.  No one saw this one coming.  NO ONE. 


Worst Shenanigans
BALLOON BOY HOAX.
(Dishonorable mention: WHITE HOUSE PARTY CRASHERS, the Salahis).


Best Stolen Thunder

KANYE SHITS ON TAYLOR SWIFT'S MTV VMA MOMENT.  This inshitdent was pure unmitigated douchebag material that lit our gossippy drama-loving existence on fi-ah.  It was assholery at its most heinous and deplorable.  Let's face it, it was a gift from heaven.  Oh relax, no one died.  On the other hand....


Worst Stolen Thunder
FARRAH FAWCETT'S DEATH, overshadowed by Michael Jackson's later that same June day.  June 25th....the day the 80's died.  So sad. 


Best City Celebration (tie) 
LAS VEGAS:  "The Hangover" and Katy Perry's "Waking Up In Vegas" both brought to entertaining life that overused and underscored mantra of What-happens-in-Vegas...

NEW YORK:  Jay-Z & Alicia Keys' "Empire State of Mind" reinvented the NewYork-NewYork anthem and had us cheering "concrete jungle where dreams are made of..."  Timed perfectly with the Yankees' win, this song turned all other cities green with envy.


Worst City Celebration
CHICAGO, losing the bid for the Summer Olympics to Rio.  Don't worry Chicago....NY felt that pain a few years ago.  The Olympics are just not that into the US. 


Best Return to TV

HEATHER LOCKLEAR BACK TO MELROSE.  Her face was all plasticky, but Amanda was still refreshingly blond, busty, and bitchy. 


Worst Return to TV
PROJECT RUNWAY.  Could I have cared less about this?  One day you're on Bravo, next day you're out.


Best Fight
ATLANTA HOUSEWIFE SHEREE'S FIGHT with the party planner.  WATCH IT HERE. 


Worst Fight

KRISTIN CAVALLARI and AUDRINA on "The Hills".  "Fighting" with Audrina over JustinBobby is like yelling at a baby....she just blinks blankly back at you and drools.  Kristin deserved a more worthy foe, like Erin on "The City".  It's on, bitch.

(Runner-up:  CHRIS BROWN & RIHANNA)


Best Marriage of Song & Show
"V" USING MUSE'S "Uprising" in commercials.

Worst Marriage of Tool & Fool
SPENCER & HEIDI get married on "The Hills".


Best Celebehavior
CELEB FEUDS.  So trivial. So childish. So what?  Love it when they turn on each other!

FAYE DUNAWAY vs HILLARY DUFF.  The bitter hag dissed Duff for being a bad actress, when asked what she thought about Duff wanting to play Dunaway's "Bonnie & Clyde" character.  Duff's response:  "I would be bitter too if I looked like that."  Snap!

MARIAH vs EMINEM.  Em boasts about having dated MC, wanting to stealing her back from Nick Cannon, and called her a whore in a recent song.  MC said "H.A.T.E.U. too, get up out my face" and hit him with a bus in her "Obsessed" video.

CLAY AIKEN vs ADAM LAMBERT.  Clay blogged that Adam's Idol performances were awful. Adam basically replied "Clay who?"

AL ROKER vs HEIDI & SPENCER.  Al referred to Speidi as despicable media-whores and wastes of human skin cells (sort of).  Speidi blasted off countless fat jokes.  kaka. 

NENE vs LINDSAY LOHAN'S DADDY.  The Atlanta housewife has it out for Michael Lohan, who inexplicably appeared on the show as a friend of Kim's.  Nene chased him and Kim down the street yelling "Go back to Malibu, Lindsay Lohan daddy."  Then the two appeared on "The Insider" and the war continued.  Don't mess with a black chick....she'll always win. 


Worst Celebehavior
CELEBS HOCKING THEIR BOOKS with "shocking" revelations.  Mackenzie Phillips (she had sex with her dad), Andre Agassi (his long hair back in the day was a wig, he enjoyed crystal meth), Sarah Palin (she can write), Carrie Prejean (she can read).  And they were all too eager to get on every talkshow to talk about it.   I was more than eager to not care.


Best Gibberish
Ra ra ah ah ah roma roma ma ga ga oh la la (...want your bad romance). 


Worst Gibberish
Everything that came out of the mouths of Carrie Prejean, Joe Jackson, Sarah Palin, Jon Gosselin, and Lindsay Lohan's dadday.  No one wants to hear it, mmkay.  


Best New Shows
5). FLASHFORWARD.  Can't wait for April 29th, and more Joesph Fiennes.

4). MODERN FAMILY & COUGARTOWN.  The best hour of comedy on tv.  

3). GLEE.  A show that elicits squeals and zeal.  

2). MELROSE PLACE.  Ella & Amanda -- which bitch will slap the other first?


1). VAMPIRE DIARIES.  Not just another vampire show....addictive, intriguing, and mega hotties.  Marathon'ing the first 10 episodes was sheer bliss.


Worst New Show
JAY LENO at 10pm, Mon-Fri.  Not necessary.  At all.


Best Premature Mourning
Mourning the upcoming final 2010 season of LOST immediately following the show's transcendent May '09 finale.  My heart has already begun to ache.


Worst Premature Mourning
Mourning Oprah ending her talkshow....3 YEARS FROM NOW.


Best New TV Character

SUE SYLVESTER

(Runner up:  ANNA on V). 

Worst New TV Character

TEDDY, the 30-something-looking teenager on 90210.  Sure, he's pretty and all, in a wax-figure way, but he's extremely dull on an already extremely dull show.  HATE 90210. 


Best Cupcake

SUGAR SWEET SUNSHINE.  Their Pistachio and Vanilla cuppies are just heavenly.  


Worst Cupcake (Crime)
MY STOLEN CUPCAKES at the Bronx Zoo.  It was my nephew Tyler's 1st birthday, and I was meeting him at the Bronx Zoo.  I picked up 2 Magnolia cupcakes and met everyone in da Bronx.  Inside the zoo, I stopped into the restroom, which was empty.  I put my cupcake bag down on a small table by the sinks, and went to the urinals in the back.  I came back within seconds to the sinks and my cupcakes were gone.  STOLEN.  Fucking cupcake-stealing lowlife.     


Best Ridiculous Body
 
MEN WHO PLAY WOLVES (and RYAN REYNOLDS)


Worst Ridiculous (No)Body

JON G(R)OSSELIN.  yuck.

Best Line
SHEREE to Party Planner:  "Who gonna check me, boo?"


Worst Line
KANYE to Taylor:  "Yo Taylor, I'm real happy for you and Imma let you finish, but..."


Best Overdone Subject Matter
VAMPIRES.  True Blood. Vampire Diaires. Twilight New Moon. 


Worst Overdone Subject Matter
DOCTORS/NURSES/HOSPITALS.  ER finally died, but then came Mercy, Trauma, Three Rivers, Nurse Jackie, HawthoRNe.  Not interested, thanks.


Best New Vocab
NERDVANA.  "Star Trek 2009 was so fantastic, sci-fi geeks achieved nerdvana."
GLEEK.  "I can't get enough of Glee.  I'm such a Gleek.  Sue Sylvester would so dump a Big Gulp on my head."


Worst New Vocab
ROGUE.  BAILOUT.  TWEETS.  SWINE FLU.

 
Best Comeback

KIM CLIJSTERS to tennis, winning the US OPEN.  This year's US Open was one of the craziest (Serena almost cut a bitch), and Kim's win was just perfectly unexpected.


Worst Comeback
WHITNEY HOUSTON'S comeback is whack.  Would I have loved another "I Will Always Love You?"  Hell yeah.  Did we get anything close?  Hell-to-the-No. 
 

Best Vocal Manipulation
AUTO-TUNE.  The digitally synthesized vocalization technique that was revolutionized, more or less, by Cher's "Believe" was used brilliantly in 2009 on Mariah's "Obsessed" and Jason DeRulo's "Whatcha Say".  
 
(Dishonorable Exclusion:  Real Housewife of Atlanta Kim's "Tardy for the Party".  The entire "song" is auto-tuned, it's tardy for the garbage). 


Worst Vocal Manipulation
PEOPLE WHO CAN'T SING MAKING MUSIC (and ears bleed).  Kim "Tardy for the Party" Zolciak, Heidi Montag-Pratt, Scarlett Johannson.  Please just stop.   

(Honorable Exclusion:  Leighton Meester doing Cobra Starship's "Good Girls Go Bad".  Blair Waldorf can do no wrong in my book).


Best Performance by New Jersey

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ FINALE.  Let's refresh: Scandalous outcast Danielle whips out "the book" at dinner, Dina gets defensive, Caroline gets mafia on Danielle's pot-stirring ass, Jacqueline turns on her sisters-in-law, Theresa is confused, Danielle snaps at her to "pay attention, pull-eaze!", Theresa goes skank-ass crazy and FLIPS THE TABLE on the "stupid bitch prostitution WHORE!!!"  [And...scene]. 


Worst Performance by New Jersey

JERSEY SHORE.  Snooki.  Jwoww.  The Situation.  You don't fall in love at the Jersey Shore, but you can fall in love with how (awesomely) atrocious it is.


Best Sci-Fi Trend
SPACESHIPS HOVERING OVER CITIES.  Ominious and imposing, as in "V" and "District 9".


Worst Sci-Fi Trend
CONFUSING TIME TRAVEL.  It happened all season on LOST, and I had to be at my soberest while watching the show to understand everything (I still don't), and it happened (unnecessarily) in the "Star Trek" movie with new Spock and old Spock. 


Best Reason to Have a Blackberry
BBM.  BLACKBERRY MESSENGER is heaven-sent for keeping in daily touch with your closest friends.


Worst Reason to Have a Blackberry
Everyone else is on iphone.


Best Movie
THE HANGOVER  (Though I haven't yet seen "Up in the Air" or "Precious")


(Runner-up: AVATAR)


Worst Movie
2012 and PUBLIC ENEMIES. 


Best Songs
10).  Everything by the GLEE cast. 

9).  KERI HILSON "Knock You Down"

8).  MUSE "Uprising"

7).  JAY-Z & ALICIA KEYS "Empire State of Mind"

6).  GREEN DAY "21 Guns"

5).  KELLY CLARKSON "My Life Would Suck Without You"

4).  JAY SEAN "Down"

3).  MARIAH "Obsessed" & "I Want To Know What Love Is"

2).  LEONA LEWIS "Happy"

 
1).  Everything by LADY GAGA.  "Poker Face", "Love Game", "Paparazzi", "Bad Romance".  OMGaga....does this woman ever rest??  More looks than Madonna.  More longevity than Samantha Fox.  More spunk than Christina Aguilera.  More balls than Adam Lambert.  More addictive music this year than anyone else.   (BEST VIDEO:  "Bad Romance") 


Worst Song
BLACK EYED PEAS "Boom Boom Pow"  


Best on TV
So much good TV, so little time.  Yet I make time for it all.  "24" started off excitingly, but turned repetitive and ludicrous.  Second seasons of "True Blood" and "Damages" were not nearly as revolutionary as their firsts.  "Heroes" is a complete zero. "Desperate Housewives" and "Gossip Girls" had their moments, but nothing leading up to anything memorable.  I've already covered the new shows I loved, so here's the best of the rest:

5).  Everything on the FOOD NETWORK.  Barefoot Contessa, Paula Deen, Throwdown, Iron Chef, Giada, Unwrapped, Ace of Cakes.  I watch it all.  I love it all.  I cook it all.  I eat it all.

4).  MAD MEN.  Most episodes are boring, depressing, and not much happens.  But the Kennedy assassination kicked off a few of the show's best episodes, leading up to the finale that turned the mad mad world upside down.  Sterling Cooper is no more.  Don & Betty Draper are no more.  And Joan Holloway's curvaceous hips are back.

3).  REAL HOUSEWIVES OF _______ (except the OC).  RH of NY, NJ, and ATL were my bitchy lifeblood all year long. 

2).  SURVIVOR.  I've gotten used to relishing this show in solitude, season after season, so I won't bother explaining why I love it. 


1).  LOST.  The penultimate season was utterly transcendent, episode by episode up till the heart-stopping finale that (hopefully) reset the whole time-space continuum.  From Sawyer's character arc completion from asshole to hero, to Kate's bye-bye-baby scene, to Juliet's love quadrangle and hydrogen-bombing fate....this is a show that is setting itself up for a fantastic finish.


Worst on TV
THE FASHION SHOW and LAUNCH MY LINE, Bravo's two desperate attempts to create a new Project Runway-style show.  Dear Bravo: Nobody wants this...just get Project Runway back and we'll talk fashion.


Best Thing to Happen to Gays
OUT & PROUD ARTISTS CONTINUED TO DO THEIR THING.  Adam Lambert injected some needed in-yo-face gaiety into Idol (and the country), Neil Patrick Harris owned the Emmys, Ellen snagged Idol, the gay couple on "Modern Family" kakakillz, and the mere existence of Lady Gaga and GLEE.  Now, how do we get all the individuals above to appear in a "Glee" episode together?


Worst Thing to Happen to Gays
THE FIGHT FOR MARRIAGE.  Lots of setbacks this year.  Prop 8 reverses CA's right to marriage.  Vermont reverses its right to marriage.  NY Senate votes down same sex marriage.  NJ elects a homophobe new governor.  We only want marriage because it won't be given to us.  Once we get it, you won't hear much about it, so there's nothing to worry about.  Got it, returds?


Best Enduring Internet Addiction
FACEBOOK.  I can't quit you, like I've quit Friendster and MySpace after a matter of time. 


Worst Enduring Internet Addiction
TWITTER.  Tweeting.  Tweets.  Twits.  Twatting.  I quit this no problem. 


Best Meal
MY MEALS.  Thanks mostly to my voracious nature, the Barefoot Contessa, and plenty of free time, I became a whiz in the kitchen more than ever this year.  Consider yourself lucky to have been cooked for.  The rest of you, lick your screens:















Worst Meal
The ones that leave you with regret when the credit card bill comes.  I am so out of touch with the world of fine dining.  I may never get to eat at Nobu or anything having to do with Jean-Georges, but I'm okay with that. 


Best of America
 
MICHELLE OBAMA.  I think we can agree that our first lady is the closest thing to Jackie O that we've had.  It could be that, unlike other previous first ladies, she's under 80 yrs old.  It could also be that she's a modern-day all-encompassing icon of class, style, beauty, grace, self-assurance, strength and relevance.  She thrills me.


Worst of America
PEOPLEOFWALMART.COM.  I dare you to breeze thru the pages and pages of actual Walmart-Americans....and not throw up. 


Best New Friend
Every year, a new friend enters my life in such a natural serendipitous way and makes their way to winning my award for best NEW friend of the year.  This year it's RYAN.  We drink, we dance, we party, we play tennis, we talk tv, we talk hotties, we pig out.  Our whole group of friends adore him.  And most importantly, he'll get everything I talked about in this blog.


Worst Old Friends
I personally haven't dissolved any friendships this year (It was a slow year for me).  But I know friends who've had to deal with former good friends who've spiraled downward into a pit of jealousy, bitterness, and whatever else.  It's ok...not all friendships are fated to last.  Just be wise about which friendships are worth fighting for, and which are just sinking (friend)ships.  


Worst Burst of Reality
LIFE ISN'T FAIR.  This is not news to anyone, but it's hard to keep that in mind when you're too busy envying others and pitying yourself, often at the same time.  I've always believed that we're all fated to have what we have in life -- whether it's smarts, looks, charm, magnetism, talent, ambition, money, family, health, wealth, love, friends, metabolism.  Seeing how others go about their lives (via Facebook, etc) doesn't make any of this any easier to swallow, but the key to personal happiness is to tap into what you have, what is within your control, and what little things you can do to level the playing field a bit at a time.  Having said that....


Best Burst of Reality
My mantra for this past year, to myself and to anyone who would listen has been:  YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.  In a year of continued socio-economic decline and set-in realities (ie. Obama is not our savior; he's just our elected President. Swine flu is for realz; wash your hands. Tiger is not god; he's a horny man), it was more important than ever to take control of what you can in your own life.  So if it meant quitting that job you hate, or ending that relationship, or withdrawing from a social life, or coming out to your family, or putting yourself on a budget, or moving across the country, or having that baby, or expelling that awful friend, or filing for divorce from Jon Gosselin, or landing that plane safely in the Hudson River, or extricating yourself from any situation that just wasn't working anymore....girrrrrrl, you did what you needed to do.  And keep doing it.  You just go on and keep doing what you need to do.  The world will understand. 


WELL, THAT'S MY TAKE ON 2009, and I'm sticking to it.  Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and HAPPY NEW YEAR, Y'ALL!!

10 THINGS THAT MADE MY MAY
A little late for rehashing May, but I've gone a whole heinous month without a new entry.  For shame on me!  Here are 10 mah-velous things that distracted me from blogging. 


10).  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ
If you think about the Bravo Housewives series and everything it stands for (wealth, bitchery, insanity, plastic in their wallets, plastic in their faces, wigs and weaves, heels and fancy meals, fingernails, women you wanna slap), NJ was inevitable.  There's the one with the big hair, the one with the Joisey accent, the one with the way-orange spray tan.  And that's all the same wife:  Theresa!  From the getgo, these wives will have you going "oh gawd."  And if you haven't changed the channel by the first commercial break, then fluff up your "bubbies" and consider yourself hooked.  Bravo has hit the housewife nail on the head with this quintet of bitchy table-flipping Carmela Sopranos.  We don't exactly have any emergent Jills, Bethennys or NeNes yet, but DinaCarolineJacquelineTheresaDanielle are already leaps and bounds more entertaining than any of the OC wives.  These are my ladies of the Garden State (Parkway).
 


9).  PLEDGE FABRIC SWEEPER FOR PET HAIR 
I have 2 cats that I love to death.  But at times they shed so much fur all over everything (the bed, rugs, couch, clothes)  that I sometimes wanna toss them out the window or just shave them bald.  Well now along comes the best fight against pet hair: the Pledge Fabric Sweeper.  It's a handheld rolly-doo-dad that picks up and traps fur.  I use it everyday and completely satisfies the  clean freak within.  I can now love my cats and clear away any trace of them, at the same time!



8).  CHRISETTE MICHELE "BLAME IT ON ME"
I first saw her perform on David Letterman.  I wasn't paying attention to the TV (I think I was Pledge sweeping the couch).  Then I heard a soulful-bluesy-power-voice reminiscent of Alicia Keys, Jill Scott and even Adele.  "Blame It On Me" is a robust slow-pounding ballad that deserves as much, if not more, radio-play as any Beyonce single.  Have a listen here and you will love.


7).  SPENCER PRATT ON "THE HILLS"
Oh Spencer.  The preeminent reality show douchebag we've loved to hate, has this season transcended to the one we just love.  In a season of marginalized LC storylines (she's leaving), beefed up She-Pratt shenanigans (she's a gnarly dumbass), and Audrina-Brody-Jayde dra(yawn)ma, Spencer's reliable verbal assholery has turned into outright comical gold in a sea of tarnished silver.  His interactions/altercations with Stacy the bartendress, Heidi's mom, Steph's ex Cameron, Heidi's bible-babbling Colorado ex, Heidi's cowboy dad, and the relationship therapist are instant Hills classics.  And finally, his apology phone call to his nemesis LC was truly shocking.  Shockingly cordial, shockingly articulate, shockingly humble, shockingly undouchebaggy, shockingly admitting to spreading those LC-sex-tape rumors he's denied spreading for seasons.  Now if only we can get him and Kelly Cutrone in a scene together....


6).  CLAY AIKEN VS. ADAM LAMBERT FEUD
It's mostly a one-sided feud, started by one bitter bitch over losing the gay Idol spotlight he's held for so long.  Yes, Gay Aiken apparently criticized Adam Lambert's "Ring of Fire" recently as "contrived," "awful" and "slightly frightening" on his blog, and alluded to favoritism by judges on Adam over Kris.  Well, Adam retaliated courteously but bit(ch)ingly by saying: "I'm glad he's getting headlines now though, because he wasn't before....If he wants to ride my coattails about it, good for him."  End of bitchiness for now.  Clearly there's a bitter has-been gay Idol here and his name rhymes with GO-AWAY.  And clearly there's a new gay on the Idol block who knows the musical world is his oyster, while Clay is grasping at barnacles.  Let's hope the cease-fire doesn't last.



5).  "LOST" SEASON FINALE
Non-LOST watchers are probably sick to death of my mentioning how good this show is.  But I won't be content until everyone I know has been immersed into the intricate intriguing world of the consistently best show on tv.  I am still haunted, mystified and satisfied by the fifth season ender.  Just enjoying the episode was not enough for me though.  I needed to understand the episode to the fullest extent possible.  To that end, I turned to the best review written on it at EW.com.  It's very long (7 in-depth pages) but a VERY worthwhile read for Lost-aholics.


4).  "THE FUNERAL" by BAND OF HORSES
This haunting teen-tv alterna-rock song favorite is the new "Hallelujah."  Already heard this season on "Gossip Girl" and the "90210" season finale, this is the perfect grim anthem to capture the final scene where someone dies, breaks up, or hits someone with a car (I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Summer-style) while crying because she got shame-yelled in the face by nemesis Naomi at a post-prom party.  Yes, 90210Annie, I'm talking to you.  Listen here.


3).  CLEAN & CLEAR ADVANTAGE ACNE SPOT TREATMENT
I've been battling acne for nearly 20 years now, from the incessant breakouts in my teens to the far-too-frequent spot zits in my 20's and now, ugh, 30's.  And for those 20 complexionally combative yrs, my weapon of choice has been Clearasil in all its forms:  benzoyl peroxide creams, salicylic acid gels, etc.  In battle terms, Clearasil is like a shotgun.  Well now I have a machine gun!  It's Clean & Clear's Advantage Fast Clearing Acne Spot Treatment.  The package boasts an audacious claim:  "100% of users saw fewer pimples in just 1 day."  NO FUCKING WAY, thought I.  But I was happily wrong.  After a day or so, zits that were normally resistant to other creams, started to dissipate noticeably.  I have been won over, and my skin is forever thankful.



2).  GLEE
No better title for a show that gives you that very eponymous feeling.  The teaser pilot episode we got is a good sign of things and singing to come in the fall.  The cast is impeccable, with hottish Matthew Morrison as the impassioned chorus teacher, the hysterical Jane Lynch (from "Role Models"), and students plucked from "Spring Awakening.". If you don't find yourself at least tapping your feet along during the musical numbers, then please check yourself into the morgue.  Watch the pilot and fill yourself with sheer GLEE.


1).  MY BLACKBERRY CURVE 8900
I have been technologically emancipated from a prison of not having mobile access to email/internet/facebook/blogging.  (Or am I now technologically imprisoned by these mobile means?? Hmmmmm).  Anyhoo, since getting my swanky new Blackberry Curve 8900 last month, I have fully unleashed the "internet monster" that an ex-friend once viciously (and correctly) called me.  Facebook status updates that occur in real time ("Jason is inhaling a lobster roll", "Jason is stalking Mariah", "Jason is bleeding to death"), mobile photo uploads, an actual real web browser in the palm of my hands.  The Curve has its fair share of nifty apps, so it fills the iPhone void (I won't succumb to you, AT&T!).  And last but not least, BBM.  Blackberry Messenger links your other BB friends into a super-convenient proprietary IM world right at your fingertips.  Most of my closest friends are Crackheads already, so Blackberries unite!

Here's a recent gorgeous food/friends outing I had, the fun and frolic of which were captured (awesome camera phone) and shared (Facebook postings) on my Curve: 


 
A leisurely Friday lunch at Saks Fifth Ave with Linda and Leslie.

 
Dessert with lunch, always.  Creme brulee and mille crepe cake.


Rockefeller skankas.

Why don't they just call disco nite "Donna Summer nite" and save themselves the hassle?  Or just scrap this overdone genre already and give us a relevant music theme like Billboard-hits-from-the-past-year.  Wouldn't you like to see Allison do "My Life Would Suck Without You?"  Or Adam do an acoustic "Womanizer."  But I digress.  Here's how Donna Summer nite went:
 
LIL ROUNDS singing "I'm Every Woman."  What a shocker.  She's every black woman singing this (e)very song on every season of Idol.  I hate this song.  A song that does NOTHING for the vocals.  It's such a one note boring song.  No layers whatsoever.  Her last few weeks singing "What's Love Got To Do With It" and "The Rose", I felt she was wrongfully brutalized.  But this time, she deserves for the shitty song choice alone.

KRIS ALLEN in a plain white tee.  Classic.  Fantastic.  He totally went "La Isla Bonita" on "She Works Hard For the Money," giving us another show of true originality and artistry that only Adam can rival.  He's also had the best song choices all season.  Backstage, Lil Rounds was rolling over in her musical career grave.

DANNY GOKEY.  How did I go from loving him so in the Top 36 singing "Hero" to hating him so in the top 12?  Here's how: Obvious crowd-pleasing song choices in every genre (he has yet to chose a song that raised my eyebrows), his pompous oversinging, his obvious but blatantly unscrutinized lack of originality, and the fact that Simon has not yet warned him about his smugness.  I at least thought Simon would be tired of his sameness by now.

ALLISON had me from the first note, sitting on the steps with a bluesy-rock take on "Hot Stuff."  Allison rightfully deserves to be the last woman standing, if not the last one standing.  I can only live with 3 people winning this whole thing:  Adam, Kris, or Allison.   

ADAM LAMBERT is a chameleon if we ever saw & heard one.  He can do down & dirty well, and he can clean up rather nicely.  He's changing the face of music and setting a new bar for every season of Idol that follows.  He could single-handedly bring back the Monster Ballads of the 80's.  I would just DIE DIE DIE for him to sing Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn,"  Warrant's "Heaven," or Cheap Trick's "The Flame."

MATT GIRAUD doing "Staying Alive" was probably pretty predictable, if I had cared to predict what he'd be singing.  Like Simon said, he really has no chance of winning.  Saving him last week was more about Simon saving himself from getting his eyes scratched out by a Paula Bear.

ANOOP was not as bad as Simon said, but in a week where 2 are going home, it's Lil and him for sure.