10 THINGS THAT MADE MY MAY
A little late for rehashing May, but I've gone a whole heinous month without a new entry.  For shame on me!  Here are 10 mah-velous things that distracted me from blogging. 


10).  THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NJ
If you think about the Bravo Housewives series and everything it stands for (wealth, bitchery, insanity, plastic in their wallets, plastic in their faces, wigs and weaves, heels and fancy meals, fingernails, women you wanna slap), NJ was inevitable.  There's the one with the big hair, the one with the Joisey accent, the one with the way-orange spray tan.  And that's all the same wife:  Theresa!  From the getgo, these wives will have you going "oh gawd."  And if you haven't changed the channel by the first commercial break, then fluff up your "bubbies" and consider yourself hooked.  Bravo has hit the housewife nail on the head with this quintet of bitchy table-flipping Carmela Sopranos.  We don't exactly have any emergent Jills, Bethennys or NeNes yet, but DinaCarolineJacquelineTheresaDanielle are already leaps and bounds more entertaining than any of the OC wives.  These are my ladies of the Garden State (Parkway).
 


9).  PLEDGE FABRIC SWEEPER FOR PET HAIR 
I have 2 cats that I love to death.  But at times they shed so much fur all over everything (the bed, rugs, couch, clothes)  that I sometimes wanna toss them out the window or just shave them bald.  Well now along comes the best fight against pet hair: the Pledge Fabric Sweeper.  It's a handheld rolly-doo-dad that picks up and traps fur.  I use it everyday and completely satisfies the  clean freak within.  I can now love my cats and clear away any trace of them, at the same time!



8).  CHRISETTE MICHELE "BLAME IT ON ME"
I first saw her perform on David Letterman.  I wasn't paying attention to the TV (I think I was Pledge sweeping the couch).  Then I heard a soulful-bluesy-power-voice reminiscent of Alicia Keys, Jill Scott and even Adele.  "Blame It On Me" is a robust slow-pounding ballad that deserves as much, if not more, radio-play as any Beyonce single.  Have a listen here and you will love.


7).  SPENCER PRATT ON "THE HILLS"
Oh Spencer.  The preeminent reality show douchebag we've loved to hate, has this season transcended to the one we just love.  In a season of marginalized LC storylines (she's leaving), beefed up She-Pratt shenanigans (she's a gnarly dumbass), and Audrina-Brody-Jayde dra(yawn)ma, Spencer's reliable verbal assholery has turned into outright comical gold in a sea of tarnished silver.  His interactions/altercations with Stacy the bartendress, Heidi's mom, Steph's ex Cameron, Heidi's bible-babbling Colorado ex, Heidi's cowboy dad, and the relationship therapist are instant Hills classics.  And finally, his apology phone call to his nemesis LC was truly shocking.  Shockingly cordial, shockingly articulate, shockingly humble, shockingly undouchebaggy, shockingly admitting to spreading those LC-sex-tape rumors he's denied spreading for seasons.  Now if only we can get him and Kelly Cutrone in a scene together....


6).  CLAY AIKEN VS. ADAM LAMBERT FEUD
It's mostly a one-sided feud, started by one bitter bitch over losing the gay Idol spotlight he's held for so long.  Yes, Gay Aiken apparently criticized Adam Lambert's "Ring of Fire" recently as "contrived," "awful" and "slightly frightening" on his blog, and alluded to favoritism by judges on Adam over Kris.  Well, Adam retaliated courteously but bit(ch)ingly by saying: "I'm glad he's getting headlines now though, because he wasn't before....If he wants to ride my coattails about it, good for him."  End of bitchiness for now.  Clearly there's a bitter has-been gay Idol here and his name rhymes with GO-AWAY.  And clearly there's a new gay on the Idol block who knows the musical world is his oyster, while Clay is grasping at barnacles.  Let's hope the cease-fire doesn't last.



5).  "LOST" SEASON FINALE
Non-LOST watchers are probably sick to death of my mentioning how good this show is.  But I won't be content until everyone I know has been immersed into the intricate intriguing world of the consistently best show on tv.  I am still haunted, mystified and satisfied by the fifth season ender.  Just enjoying the episode was not enough for me though.  I needed to understand the episode to the fullest extent possible.  To that end, I turned to the best review written on it at EW.com.  It's very long (7 in-depth pages) but a VERY worthwhile read for Lost-aholics.


4).  "THE FUNERAL" by BAND OF HORSES
This haunting teen-tv alterna-rock song favorite is the new "Hallelujah."  Already heard this season on "Gossip Girl" and the "90210" season finale, this is the perfect grim anthem to capture the final scene where someone dies, breaks up, or hits someone with a car (I-Know-What-You-Did-Last-Summer-style) while crying because she got shame-yelled in the face by nemesis Naomi at a post-prom party.  Yes, 90210Annie, I'm talking to you.  Listen here.


3).  CLEAN & CLEAR ADVANTAGE ACNE SPOT TREATMENT
I've been battling acne for nearly 20 years now, from the incessant breakouts in my teens to the far-too-frequent spot zits in my 20's and now, ugh, 30's.  And for those 20 complexionally combative yrs, my weapon of choice has been Clearasil in all its forms:  benzoyl peroxide creams, salicylic acid gels, etc.  In battle terms, Clearasil is like a shotgun.  Well now I have a machine gun!  It's Clean & Clear's Advantage Fast Clearing Acne Spot Treatment.  The package boasts an audacious claim:  "100% of users saw fewer pimples in just 1 day."  NO FUCKING WAY, thought I.  But I was happily wrong.  After a day or so, zits that were normally resistant to other creams, started to dissipate noticeably.  I have been won over, and my skin is forever thankful.



2).  GLEE
No better title for a show that gives you that very eponymous feeling.  The teaser pilot episode we got is a good sign of things and singing to come in the fall.  The cast is impeccable, with hottish Matthew Morrison as the impassioned chorus teacher, the hysterical Jane Lynch (from "Role Models"), and students plucked from "Spring Awakening.". If you don't find yourself at least tapping your feet along during the musical numbers, then please check yourself into the morgue.  Watch the pilot and fill yourself with sheer GLEE.


1).  MY BLACKBERRY CURVE 8900
I have been technologically emancipated from a prison of not having mobile access to email/internet/facebook/blogging.  (Or am I now technologically imprisoned by these mobile means?? Hmmmmm).  Anyhoo, since getting my swanky new Blackberry Curve 8900 last month, I have fully unleashed the "internet monster" that an ex-friend once viciously (and correctly) called me.  Facebook status updates that occur in real time ("Jason is inhaling a lobster roll", "Jason is stalking Mariah", "Jason is bleeding to death"), mobile photo uploads, an actual real web browser in the palm of my hands.  The Curve has its fair share of nifty apps, so it fills the iPhone void (I won't succumb to you, AT&T!).  And last but not least, BBM.  Blackberry Messenger links your other BB friends into a super-convenient proprietary IM world right at your fingertips.  Most of my closest friends are Crackheads already, so Blackberries unite!

Here's a recent gorgeous food/friends outing I had, the fun and frolic of which were captured (awesome camera phone) and shared (Facebook postings) on my Curve: 


 
A leisurely Friday lunch at Saks Fifth Ave with Linda and Leslie.

 
Dessert with lunch, always.  Creme brulee and mille crepe cake.


Rockefeller skankas.

Why don't they just call disco nite "Donna Summer nite" and save themselves the hassle?  Or just scrap this overdone genre already and give us a relevant music theme like Billboard-hits-from-the-past-year.  Wouldn't you like to see Allison do "My Life Would Suck Without You?"  Or Adam do an acoustic "Womanizer."  But I digress.  Here's how Donna Summer nite went:
 
LIL ROUNDS singing "I'm Every Woman."  What a shocker.  She's every black woman singing this (e)very song on every season of Idol.  I hate this song.  A song that does NOTHING for the vocals.  It's such a one note boring song.  No layers whatsoever.  Her last few weeks singing "What's Love Got To Do With It" and "The Rose", I felt she was wrongfully brutalized.  But this time, she deserves for the shitty song choice alone.

KRIS ALLEN in a plain white tee.  Classic.  Fantastic.  He totally went "La Isla Bonita" on "She Works Hard For the Money," giving us another show of true originality and artistry that only Adam can rival.  He's also had the best song choices all season.  Backstage, Lil Rounds was rolling over in her musical career grave.

DANNY GOKEY.  How did I go from loving him so in the Top 36 singing "Hero" to hating him so in the top 12?  Here's how: Obvious crowd-pleasing song choices in every genre (he has yet to chose a song that raised my eyebrows), his pompous oversinging, his obvious but blatantly unscrutinized lack of originality, and the fact that Simon has not yet warned him about his smugness.  I at least thought Simon would be tired of his sameness by now.

ALLISON had me from the first note, sitting on the steps with a bluesy-rock take on "Hot Stuff."  Allison rightfully deserves to be the last woman standing, if not the last one standing.  I can only live with 3 people winning this whole thing:  Adam, Kris, or Allison.   

ADAM LAMBERT is a chameleon if we ever saw & heard one.  He can do down & dirty well, and he can clean up rather nicely.  He's changing the face of music and setting a new bar for every season of Idol that follows.  He could single-handedly bring back the Monster Ballads of the 80's.  I would just DIE DIE DIE for him to sing Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn,"  Warrant's "Heaven," or Cheap Trick's "The Flame."

MATT GIRAUD doing "Staying Alive" was probably pretty predictable, if I had cared to predict what he'd be singing.  Like Simon said, he really has no chance of winning.  Saving him last week was more about Simon saving himself from getting his eyes scratched out by a Paula Bear.

ANOOP was not as bad as Simon said, but in a week where 2 are going home, it's Lil and him for sure.