Each year, my BFF Linda invites me to attend her company's posh holiday parties.  Each year the venue is grander than the one before.  Gotham Hall, Hayden Planetarium, Cipriani Ballrooom, and this year....the Blue Whale room at the Museum of Natural History on Central Park West.  Here's how the fabulocity went down...
 

The massive Blue Whale room in the museum's ocean life wing.  Last time I was here, it was a class trip and I was a virgin. 

I believe the blue whale suspended over the room is actual size.  And Linda & me...tiny little plankton.

 
The gorgeous gals & guys of The Company.  Everyone gets all dolled up for this.  In other words, no lesbian pants-suits or grandpa reindeer sweaters here.

Dessert hour featured an assortment of mind-blowing yummies.  I was too drunk to recall eating all these, but the fact is, I did eat all these.

   
Dessert hour was rather unnecessary because the open bar was candy enough for everyone.

Linda and I ran into former Project Runway contestant (2 seasons ago), Jack Mackenroth!  He was so nice and told us he's been working on things with fierce hot mess tranny herself, Christian Serriano.  Linda to Jack: "I stopped watching the show after you left."  Me to Jack: "hottest contestant ever!"  We hugged and left.  Very cool guy.

So yeah, the party was massive and posh.  Eventually after all was said and drunk, the dance floor got populated and the museum staff had to turn on the flood lights to get us all to leave. 

No joke, I must've held 8 different drinks that night....2 white wines, 2 vodka tonics, vodka cranberry, 2 shots with the girls, and when the bar ran out of vodka, a rum & coke (I sipped and ditched this grossness). 

There was an afterparty at some nearby bar, which we went to but left
promptly.  I suffered drunken memory loss on my way home, and vaguely remember taking a cab from
the Upper West Side, the Path train to NJ, and another taxi home by
1:30am.  At my stoop, it took me 15 minutes to locate my house keys in the rain before I got inside, I popped a few Advils, vomited, slept dead, and resurrected in the
morning wondering how the hell I made it home alive.   

In a couple weeks my BFF Linda finally turns the "dreaded" 3-0.  I put dreaded in quotes because I did 30 (all dreaded 365 days of it) and am now onto 31 (28 days and counting...).  And she's just NOW hitting 30.  (die bitch!)  Last weekend, she celebrated the only way she knows how....in STYLE, with a blowout bash that marked the last and most relevant 30th birthday of 2008.  

Linda rented out a private room at posh exclusive celeb-hot-spot, MARQUEE, on 10th Ave and 26th.  She treated her 50+ guests to two hours of open bar, set the fashion bar fabulously high, and proved that 30 is the new 21.  It was her party, and she'd make people cry if she wanted to.

CHIC-US!!  Red hot Cindy; me with my new very gay party necklace; Linda in a classy black Barneys ensemble and Chanel clutch; and Leslie in school girl plaid and grand dame pearls.  

me and bubbyMichael.  I love his shirt color, a satin-y icy blue on my hubbydoo.

Me with Eunhee in baby doll white, Leslie, and pixie in pink Liz.

The party was hot and the drinks were cool.  Linda started with vodka tonics then graduated to cosmos.  Leslie and I stuck with really great champagne.  4 glasses for me and I was floating into the happy night.

Baby's black balloons.

Lenore, Linda's adorable lil sis, whose 30th we'll be celebrating....in 8 years.  (in which I'll be 38!!  Stab me dead now!!)

Flawless beauty.  Making lesser women look like hairy cavemen since 1978.

Women + drinks + after midnight = DANCING.  Linda lit it up and brought every sassy gal down with her, bopping and strutting to irresistibles like Britney's "Gimme Gimme More", T.I.'s "Whatever You Like", and Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl".  The girls kept going, going, going...

GONE!! 

I just watched this, at Ellen Degeneres' request, and it took my breath away. Keith Olbermann, whom I barely know anything about, is suddenly my new hero. His powerful commentary on California's Proposition 8 repeal of same-sex marriage.....K.O. truly scored a K.O.

My birthday landed on a Saturday this year.  Having a birthday the day after Halloween is tough.  I was barely
able to summon enough energy and verve to drink and party after a
boozeylicious Halloween nite that magically erased my senses for
the following day.  But I had to quickly put Halloween aside and put on
a fresh fun face for all my friends.  I normally don't do the big celebration thing unless it's a divisible-by-5 age (like last year's J.30), but the stars aligned and I just had to.  First was the Saturday thing, second was my dear friend Jason P. visiting me from upstate and being my special guest, and third is why the F not??  So we par-tay-ed.  Here's how it went down...

This time I chose East Houston Street's WHITE RABBIT, a clean unfussy LowerEast Side hipster joint that's totally my kind of spot.  My nose used to bleed above 23rd St, but now it's 14th and ever decreasing.  Who knows, next year will probably be some funkycool Chinatown spot.     

My best gaysians here, Aaron, Skion and Ben.  In SATC speak:  Charlotte(Aaron), Samantha(Skion), Miranda(Ben), and Carrie(me).

The hubb and I execute our signature Tsaychocki pose.  My long lanky arm is always out of place and my thighs look huge.

VMV:  Vivian, Melissa and Vanessa beautify the party. 

Skion, Aaron, Steven & Steven adorify the party.

Jason P. and Gary O'B, pre-supreme drunkenness. 

Bob's arrival was such a delightful unexpected treat for me.  No party is complete without our Bobola.

My second of seven Paradise Martinis, although 2 full glasses worth must've ended up on my shoes, my neck, on my shirt, down my arm,...

bubbyMichael, David, and Edward.

BFFs bubbyMichael and Bob, a dynamic duo who commands an asian-centric party like no other white devils.

My BFF Linda and Adrianna arrive, looking freshly coiffed and effortlessly glam. 

Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass no doubt conspiring the takedown of little J.

Darwin glams up the party his own way.....with lot of lip gloss and scandalous cleavage.  That shirt on me would fall completely off my 10-year-old girl shoulders.

Darwin(left) and Linda(right) compare carats, then cleavage.  Linda wins the carat competition; Darwin steals the cleavage crown.  Rematch?

Vanessa vamps it up with luscious shoulder cleavage.

Darwin and Bob

The 3-letter B's:  Ben & Bob

My hair is finally starting to grow back after a drastic Buddhist monk head shave 6 weeks ago, which I did after a life-altering incident.  (Change in life/Change your hair is a unisex concept).  I can't wait to have bangs again that I can do the asian cupie-doll hair flip. 

mauling Aaron.  Don't be fooled...he loves it.

mauling Edward. 

We were there about 5 hours.  Average about 2 drinks per hour, and we were all going, going...

...GONE

My dear friend Jason P. orders up a bottle of bubbly for us!  Leave it to him to end the festivities with such panache. 
 

Real Housewives of NJ.  If BeNeNe steps out of line, I will put him back in his place.  *Gonk

Champagne for our real friends; real pain for our sham friends.

Throughout the night, between 30 and 40 friends must've joined in.  It was a gradual start with 9 people at 9pm, then the non stop barrage of arrivals till after midnight.  I hugged so many people so tightly that nite.  It was so joyful for me to have everyone around.  I felt really good. 

I have such heartfelt appreciation for everyone who came out and stayed out and stayed fun.  I received so much love the whole day from friends near and far, old and new, via phone, via text, via cards and note taped to my door, via Facebook, and via physical presence.  It truly makes getting older worthwhile. 

My favorite song from MARIAH's E=MC2 album, " I Stay In Love" has just
been released as a single, and the video premiered this week.  The vid was directed by her husband, Nick Cannon, and I shuddered with ghetto fear when I heard that.  But guess what....it's classic, tasteful, and better than all her previous videos from this album.  It's a beautiful black & white feature with hot Vegas vistas, hot showgirl costumes, hot corvette convertible, a hot shirtless dude, and a classic hot Mariah power ballad.  I stay in love with MC.  WATCH THE VID.

October is almost over and I've barely blogged.  zoinks!  Here's a photOctoberblog:

Last weekend we stopped at a roadside pumpkin patch & corn field in Long Island on the way home from visiting Michael's brother Phil & Heather.  There was a Corn Maze there.  An actual scary corn maze.  I joked that we should enter the corn maze, and bubby pulled over because he wanted me to confront my lifelong "Children of the Corn" fears.  Then we saw that it was $7 to enter the maze.  If I wanted to pay $7 to die, I'd eat 2 packs of Oscar Mayer bacon.  Instead we strolled the country haymarket, picked up phallic gourds and squash, and had cider. 
 

We had a sleepover at Phil & Heathers with their kitties.  Here's new kitty Sasha, a near-dead ringer for my own kitty, Molli.

So cute and playful!  My new niece-kitty.

My kiddies:  Molli (we call her Kiddoo) & Wolli (we call him Wuzzy).  I don't know why we bothered naming them.  Their names don't stick.

A visit last week with my gays (Bennifer, Aaron, Keith) to Max Brenner Chocolate shop produced these decadent results:  Banana Hazelnut crepe with vanilla ice cream; and Banana Bread with an awaiting vial of chocolate syrup.

Classic NY Cheesecake with raspberry puree (in that vial).  Scrumptdiddlyumptious!

Finally, as the weather turns to frost, I'm faced with dismantling my once-gorgeous balcony garden.  I realized I never posted pics of my award-winning balcony-scape from this spring & summer. 

Instead of the usual geraniums and petunias, I went with succulent Gerber Daisies. 
 

I purchased grown Gerber Daisy plants and repotted them.  They lasted from May thru September and I've been so happy with their outdoor performance.  They withstand direct sun for the whole day, and their vibrant colors can be seen from blocks away.

 
GORG!

....MY NEPHEW!  My mundane frivolous life took a backseat two weeks ago when baby Tyler Avery was born.  He came at the perfect time, making me appreciate the truly good things in life.  But enough about me.  My brother Yud & Rosa are brand new parents, oh so happy, and loving their beautiful little boy!

Tyler arrived way before schedule.  He was supposed to be a mid-Oct baby, but made his debut in late Sept.  He just couldn't wait to start having fun, and our whole fambly couldn't have been happier for it.  At two weeks old, he's not even 7 lbs yet.  On this visit, he was wide awake for us and couldn't take his eyes off whomever was holding him.  Only fair because none of us can take our eyes off this little bundle of major cuteness.

Daddy & Mommy love baby Tyler.  They have totally embraced parenthood and make it look easy (so far!)


Uncles love baby Tyler.  We can't wait to spoil him!

Uncle Mikey was so good with him.  He totally has the discipline daddy gene. 

I try to visit every week if not more.  I'm holding here at one week old.  (side note:  no, Blair Waldorf's minions didn't throw a Nair-tini on my head.  I had all my hair chopped off last week and it feels liberating). 

Buddie is getting used to his new little brother, sniffing him every chance he gets.  He's adjusting to not being the center of attention anymore.  It's a rough life, Buds.

Such a total cutie!!!  I heart my neph!!!

Judging by last entry's 2 measly comments, I've deduced that no one cares about the new 90210, no one cares what I think about the new 90210 (I can respect that), and that no one wants to "read" an entry without pictures.  So here you go fuckers.   PICTURES!!!

This past Saturday was the *SURPRISE* Baby Shower for sis-in-law Rosa, orchestrated by my brother and Rosa's BFFs.  Here's how it went:

 

Rosa & Yud, beaming with delight at their son-to-be, arriving in just over a month!

 

THE SURPRISE:  Rosa arrives and is let into the private party room, and everyone yelled SURPRISE!!  The whole restaurant shook.  It was held at KYOTO Restaurant on Union Turnpike in Queens, a stone's throw away from my parents' house.  And Yud & Rosa are friends with the manager, hence, VIP treatment.

 

Then the mom-to-be made the rounds greeting all her guests.  They say it's never a good idea to surprise a pregnant woman, but Rosa handled it beautifully and joyously. 

EVERYONE WAS THERE.  The traditional girls-only shower rules were broken, which made for a fantastic festive time.  It was girls, guys, and the whole extended family.  Here are Rosa's mom, my aunt, mom & dad, Rosa's dad.  Shockingly...in-laws that don't hate each other!  In fact, we're all having a family mooncake festival dinner this weekend.

 

and of course, Buddie, the reigning spoiled baby/nephew/grandpuppy of the family.  It's great having a dog that NEVER barks.  I think I've heard him bark 3 times, ever.  That's an ideal doggie!

 

Here we have Marjorie (left) and Rosa's BFF Sheryl (right).  Marjorie met me and goes, "btw, I love your blog!"  WHOOO!!!  Contrary to my blogbitchery, I LOVE when my loyal readers come out of the closet to me.  It reaffirms that my blog/sweat/tears are not wasted.  It was great to meet you again, Marjorie!  (I know we met at R&Y's wedding, but that was all one big blur to me...I was so badly hungover on wedding day!). 

Marjorie disciplines a bad Buddie, while Yud coddles him. 

a rare family photo (my aunt, mom, dad, me, Yud) where both mom and dad are not blinking, chewing, or looking bored.

 

cousin Furfur came back for the weekend all the way from SUNY Binghamton just for this.  Being a college senior allows you those delinquent privileges.  She and her brother hit the bar right away for beers and Cognac, dragging bubbyMichael down with them.  Rosa disciplines a bad bubby.

 

Buddie had some company from a little boy.  It's the Cuteness.  

 

THE FOOD.  With so many people, a buffet was the way to go.  KYOTO is an awesome Japanese/Thai restaurant.  The buffet line had everything from pad thai to steak cubes with zucchini & asparagus, to sushi-sashimi platters.  On the left is mom's haul....on the right is mine.  Our first of several helpings.  Like mother like son. 

A shower game we played was Ribbon around the Belly, where we each had to cut ribbon to fit around Rosa's belly, and the closest ribbon wins. 

 

Mom was so into this!  She jumped out of her seat and was bossing everyone on what length to cut theirs.  She totally steered me wrong and made me cut mine way too long.  bad mom!

 

Shower raffle for gifts. 

 

Shower favors for the guys:  inside the green bags were golf balls!  Other favors included really cute egg timers for cooking.  (Egg = baby hatching). 

 

cousin Steve put a Cognac in my hand.  I took a sip and breathed fire.  Signing guest book. 

 

THE CAKE was soooo gooood!!!  After my slice, I went looking for more cake.  I found another unclaimed small slice on a table.  Then I saw a girl hand her uneaten cake to a waiter to take away.  a BIG slice.  There was one measly bite taken from it.  It took every ounce of dignity for me not to follow the waiter back to the kitchen and intercept the cake before it hit the trash.  George Costanza....eclair....trash.....MUST....RESIST.

Michael and I are beyond excited for this baby!!  Now I'll have someone to leave my inheritance to, since we'll never have children of my own, and our cats already have trust funds (mouseys & Fancy Feasts forever).

More Tsay family action.  Mom & dad are embracing impending grandparenthood.  They're in the 50's now and it's about time they had someone new to smother and fuss over incessantly.

Gifts galore.  The centerpiece is a monster baby-accessories-"cake"-tower that Rosa's cousin Sherina made.  How inventive!

Striking a gorgeous mommy & daddy pose! 

Let's just call this for what it is:  Welcome to the OC, bitch!  - xoxo, Gossip Girls, bitches.  GG's phenomenal success proved that there is a viable tv appetite for snotty teens with money, big city flash and fashion, witty pop-culture references, teens that drink and have sex, bitchy one-liners and just the word "bitch".  Last Tues, the 2-hour premiere aired, and this weekend I finally had time to watch it.  And guess what....it's not half bad!  Let's review the premiere:

(Ethan, Naomi, rich grandma, Annie, Dixon, the mom, the youthful English teacher, Silver, gross dork)

THE GOOD:  Firstly, the house is gorge!  Extra points for putting the new family in the lap of grandma's luxury, rather than a modest slums-of-Beverly-Hills Walsh-house.  All the ladies on the show are promising.  Annie, in Brenda's original role is not bad.  Quite good even.  Annie is sweet, sincere, and totally believable as a new untainted moral core of the show.  Naomi as the resident Naomi (as in Campbell), the Queen Bee(tch) of West Beverly High.  The actress was ultra sultry and cunty as Eden on "Nip/Tuck" so I know she can play bad oh so good.  Silver (let's call her Lindsay Lohan) playing multiple roles as West Bev's gossip blogirl, Kelly's younger sister, and Naomi's nemsis.  Brava to the show for making room for sassy BevHills grandmas.  Jessica Walter as the sharp-tongued grandma is a boozy inappropriate hoot.  I love her cackle-worthy rudeness to the mom.  Linda Gray as Ethan's grandma....hmmm....is Linda back to run MODEL'S INC???  Please god, make that happen!!!  I'm not sure what to think of Adrianna yet.  Nelly Furtado with a drug problem doesn't seem like a good fit on this show.  And she's poor!  Ewww.

THE BAD:  A few things that aren't so great.  Silver's meanblog is uninspired.  Her bitter little cartoons are childishly weak, and reeks of desperation.  She'll never be jasonbasin.  The dad as the new principal.  That's a little too precious and minister's-daughter.  Well, at least it gives Rob Estes more screen time.  Dixon as the adopted black son.  Really?  Did we need this?  Are we to believe this went over well in Kansas??  For color correctness that the original 90210 lacked, couldn't we have just had a black guy or girl best friend at school?  The black guy could've been the school-paper geek, and the black girl could've been a Gabrielle Union-esque cheerleader vixen with Brenda'ttitude??  That woulda been juicy! 
 
THE UGLY:  All the guys!  What the fug?  Where are the hot Cali guys??  All we have here are Ethan (yawn...I've seen better), George (the angry meathead...how boring), Navid (justgross).  Not only are there no standout hotties on the show, but there aren't even truly lovable guys like Seth Cohen and Chuck Bass.  The guys on this show need serious personality and casting makeovers.  Here's the problem.  On shows like this and Gossip Girls, the casting agents are women.  Old straight women, with grandma tastes in young studs.  What they need are gay men casting the guys on the show.  It's plain and simple -- gays know gorgeous guys.  Thank god for hottie dad/principal, Rob Estes.  *swoon*  Loved him on MELROSE as Kyle McBride.  It's so good to see him back in LA.  Now all I need him to do is divorce his wife, abandon his kids, and move back into Melrose Place with Amanda Woodward.  Also, pluck Kimberly Shaw and Matt Fielding from "Desperate Housewives", Jake Hansen from "Swingtown", Alison Parker from "According to Jim", and JaneMancini/MichaelMancini/PeterBurns/JoReynolds from god-knows-where, and we have 2009's new MELROSE!  (just'MELROSE').  I'm *salivating*...can you tell??

THE AWESOME:  Kelly & Brenda!!  Their little scene reuniting at the Peach Pit....I won't lie...I squealed like a giddy little pig.  And when Kelly told Brenda "we should spend more time together", I shouted "YES we should" to the tv.  I love their return to the zip code as much for my own nostalgia as for potential drama.  The only thing that would make it better is a Dylan McKay sandwich.  But I'll take what I can get.  You know they're totally gonna love-triangle with the Jake Gyllenhaal-looking English teacher, and Brenda's bitchiness will manifest itself on tv once again (goddess-willing).  Also, kudos for making the parents young, attractive, and more importantly, relevant.  Sorry, Jim & Cindy Walsh...you were fine parents but we just weren't that into you.  Sandy/Kirsten/JuJu on "The OC" taught us that parents can carry their own compelling storylines too, and it was reinforced by Rufus & Lily's romance on "Gossip Girls."  Can't wait to see Naomi's mom come further in between the Wilsons, and Kelly's crack-sniffing mom make an appearance this week.  And finally, the last bit of awesomeness is attributable to one missing ingredient: Donna.  Tori Spelling leaving the cast over lower pay was a last minute blessing.  Donna was always weak and bug-eyed-ugly, and the show is better off without it.  Besides, that just saved us a special flashback episode centered around adult Donna, still trying to earn her HS diploma, in which the school protests the school board while chanting "DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES."  *shudder*

Labor Day weekend doesn't have to mean fighting travel traffic, roasting at the beach, or sitting at home with summer-ending depression and dread while watching ugly people doing telethons and picking off your sunburn scabs.  Well, not if you have good friends who know good food.

 

Our NJ food friends, Julia & Jamis escorted us to excellent korean in Palisades Park, NJ (near Fort Lee).  There we found sizzling kalbi and spicy soft tofu bowls, and sizzling squid.  The place is modest from the outside, but all business on the inside.  You know it's good when it doesn't rely on an American name.

 

Afterwards, we returned to Julia & Jamis' home for dessert.  Dessert at J&J's is always an exciting unexpected treat!  You'll see why in a minute.

 

me & bubbyMike with Jamis.  Todd & Bob.  We had spent that afternoon ravaging WOODBURY COMMONS with Bob & Todd in the crowded heat & humidity, so this casual winddown was perfect.

  

Julia here, busy with her impeccable dessert & tea presentation.

 

Green tea service.  Simply graceful.  A bundle of grapes fresh off the vine in their backyard.

J&J happened upon the little-known BALTHAZAR BAKERY in  Englewood NJ.  Yes, THAT Balthazar.  Allow me to walk you thru the wonderland above (clockwise from top left):  marvelous Madelines; baked custard Canneles (like spicy orange mini bundt cakes), orgasmic Oatmeal Raisin Cookie; delicate decadent brulee'd Pear Tart; and a pair of classic Croissants.  Bravo, J&J....BRAVO!!

 

Also from Balthazar Bakery, a Chocolate Almond Torte with a light dusting of powdered sugar, that was purely yummazing!  Rich, moist, chewy, creamy, chocolatey, almondy, heavenly.  After we all had a sumptuous slice, they insisted I take the rest home.  It's business as usual, the way it went down:  I politely refuse and say "oh no, I can't possibly take it...you guys keep it and enjoy it tomorrow".  They insist they won't eat, it's bad for their diets, and that I simply must do them the favor of taking it off their hands.  I pause for a requisite millisecond refrain and then shout "OKAY!" and run for the door with my cake.

I've also become the official "cake-cutter" at every home function I go to.  I noticed no one ever wants to volunteer to cut the cake, for fear of ruining it or cutting uneven slices.  So the cake usually doesn't get cut without much delay.  JUST HAND ME THE FUCKING KNIFE.