so where were we?  Ah yes...birthday drinking.  So immediately after the sensational Thai meal at Roomservice, the gang all headed down a few block to the second b'day venue -- STAY bar/lounge on East Houston St, between Ave A & B.  For this segment of the evening, I invited every who's who of my Evite address book that I cared to share a drink with.   If I know you and you didn't score an Evite for this party, consider yourself boring and on my D-list.  On with the A-listers....

 

TSAY@STAY was a fabulous frenzy of friends dropping by, looking gorge, and feeling good.  The drinking and subsequent drunking had a gradual build-up throughout the night.  Thankfully, no one disrespected me with vomit  (myself included).  I like to think that I inspire and promote a feel-good occasion for all.   A gay 'ole time, if you will...

left to right:  brother Yud, me, Rosa, cousin Steve, and the fabulous Caroline!  C-note looked awesome and super-chic, and is always a blast to have at any event.  No unstylishgals here. 

The drinking was full on, with my brother and cousin Steve trying real hard to give me alcohol poisoning for my 30th.  Apparently, this was their way of avenging our frequent childhood fights, when whoever cried the first tears to mom won the battle.  I always cried first and I cried hardest.   I WIN!  Sadly for them, it took more than 5 shots to take me down.  I was still standing and sashaying at the end of the night. 

Linda's tall gay coworker, Noah, bows down from his 6-ft-plus height for a pic.  My sweet loyal Boatworks friends, Diana and Rob helped me devour the many cocktails I was juggling all nite.

Rosa's darling girls, Uyen and Helena (sandwiched between us) made a surprise appearance.

The beauties and their geeks pose again.  Once again, the beauties:  Eunhee, Linda, Adrianna.  And the geeks:  Ethan, Bao, Brian.

bubbyMichael and I do our signature pose.  Not loving this shot...look at my jelly rolls.  ugh. 

Over on the right, someone catches me gliding across the room with cosmo in hand.  I had about 6 cosmos handed to me all night by various friends.  Someone handed me an apple martini, Caroline handed me a French martini (yumm, w/ Chambord & pineapple), and cousin Steve kept pulling me back to the bar for shooters:  SoCo&Lime, Lemon drop; something-whiskey-nasty.  It's flat-out rude to refuse a shot, and rudeness is just not in my repertoire. 

*BREAKING XANGA ENCOUNTER NEWS*  I met the fabulous adorable Vanessa in person for the first time!!  We were xanga friends for a few years, linked by a mutual, um, acquaintance and loyal readership of each other's blogs.   Well, through a shared love of lobster, food and lobster, Vanessa and I recently nudged out the middle-person.  And that night we finally met, (gorgeous) face to (gorgeous) face.  Skinny bod to even skinnier bod.  Killer metab to even deadlier metab. 

Back over with my lovely fun ladies, Rosa and Caroline.   btw, to the observant -- yes, I did have a wardrobe change that night...at the restaurant I wore sleek and demure black.  And at the club, I slipped into sultry/slutty tighty whitey.  (Thanx, Armani/Exchange.)

Liz in the middle joined the party late, but delivered her adorability nonetheless.  And check out Vanessa's curvaceous action!  Me, Liz and Vanessa....together we weigh a total of 300 lbs.  No joke!!  And together, we've eaten 300 lbs of lobster.  Again, NO JOKE.

At the end of the night, Michael, Liz and I cozied up on the lush rippled high-backed seating. 

Throughout the evening at STAY, close to 50 of my friends and their friends showed up, most of whom didn't make it on camera.  I stopped taking pics after the first few drinks and relied on others to capture.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that drinks were being shoved into my hand or I was being dragged over to do shots every few minutes.  My trick was sipping a lovely drink and then I would tell a pretty girl "here, try this drink...it's wonderful..." and I'd leave it with her.  I did this like 3 times.  As for the shots, I drank plenty of water in between.  I was far from vomittown so I thank the lord for the self-control.  It's  a good sign for my 30's.

When all was drank and done, everyone had either mysteriously disappeared or I just had no recollection of saying goodbye.  The buzz kicked in nicely.  But I do recall having several emotional huggy goodbyes with several friends and family -- I recall telling everyone that I love them.  Yes, it was the alcohol talking, but the truth is....I did love everyone that night, and I love that they helped make turning 30 into something, not dreadful, but rather something appropriately fabulous for me. 

xoxo,
j.30

Yes, it's true...I turned the big dreaded 3-0 on NOV1.  And yes, it's true...the world did not end for me as I had always envisioned it would at this milestone age.  And yes, it's true...fabulocity most definitely transcends the 20's, as my 30's are off to a gorgeoulicious start!  Feast your eyes on my birthday feast...

ROOMSERVICE THAI DINING ROOM  (349 East 12th St, East Village)
Normally I hate big group birthday dinners, because of crowded restaurants, poor wait-service, and that whole awkward splitting-the-check shit that I hate.  To circumvent all that and to inject a bit of decadence, I found the most perfect Thai restaurant, rented the place out from 7-9pm on Friday, invited 25 of my closest friends and family, and commanded everyone to eat, drink, be merry, and worship me.  The place was all ours, and the pleasure was all mine! 

 

For 3 weeks, I worked closely with the owner & hostess of Roomservice on all the details of the private party -- guest count, decor, menu.  She set the mood with candles, flowers, and delicious aromas.  I filled the seats with 24 of my closest friends and family, most of whom are interconnected to all aspects of my life.  For me personally, it was more of a thank-you-for-being-a-friend meal than it was a birthday celebration. 

 

To my relief (and my threats of promptness), my guests all arrived steadily and steadfastly.  Even the latecomers came in time for a satisfyingly good time with the garrulous gorgeous group.

 

Before the food was served, we nibbled on our own vanity.  THE GIRLS:  Bennifer (almost 31), me (just 30), Adrianna (30-something..I can't, she'll hit me), Linda (28-bitch!), Eunhee (she's a fetus)

 

APPETIZER COURSE:

Chive Pancakes -- little triangular bites of heaven, crispy fried on the outside, soft and chivey on the inside, dipped in a light soy sauce.

Crispy Duck & Green Apple Salad.  A few friends were duck virgins.  Now they've turned into ducking whores.

Crispy Shrimp Roll.  Underneath the fried wonton wrapping is a large succulent shrimp. 

SEATING ARRANGEMENT:  
Planning this dinner was like planning a very small-scale wedding, from scouting & booking the venue, to per person price haggling, to menu selection, to intricate guest list.  What completely slipped my mind was the seating arrangement.  When you have several different groups of people converging, it gets pretty tricky deciding who sits where and with whom.  You want everyone to feel ultra comfortable chatting & chewing, so seating is a delicate dance.  Luckily, it just happened to work out so incredibly perfectly....

TABLE 1:  THE NJ GAYS  (Keith, Gary, Bennifer, Patrick, Aaron)

TABLE 2:  BEAUTIES & THEIR GEEKS  (Adrianna, Linda, Eunhee, Ethan, Bao, Brian)

TABLE 3:  THE FAMILY & SUNY BING  (sis-in-law Rosa, brother Yud, cousin Steve, May & John Barbee, and Caroline--not pictured here)

TABLE 4:  THE BAYONNE GANG  (bubbyMichael, Steven, Rob, Ben, Sue, Diana, Phyllis, me...all from Bayonne, NJ)

MAIN COURSE

Spicy Basil Chicken Sautee 

Chicken Pad Thai.  This dish is the litmus test of any good Thai eatery...and Roomservice definitely passed the test.

Massaman Curry Avocado -- a mild coconutty curry with a plethora of Shrimp, potatoes, onions, and avocado.  SO DELICIOUS!!  I asked the hostess for another bowl for my table.

 

 

Between each course we squeezed in some more vanity shots.

 

DESSERT COURSE

Fried Bananas with ice cream.  Caramelized bananas fried in a wonton wrapper...scrumptious! 

 

BIRTHDAY DESSERT COURSE

 

As I was stuffing my face with a fried banana, our hostess emerged and led everyone to sing Happy B'day, and presented me with a personal dessert...

Fried Ice Cream  - a lump of vanilla ice cream, thickly battered in soft cakey dough, and deep fried.  Yummazing!!

 

Our meal at Roomservice surpassed my every expectation and vindicated all my hard work planning it.  My friends all truly enjoyed it, and it warmed my heart to be able to fill their bellies.  A milestone birthday is nothing without the people that make your life what it is.  But enough of that.  In Part 2, we go BIRTHDAY DRINKING!!!

 

A big birthday entry coming shortly!  Stick around for my milestone b'day and some serious fabulocity!

Once a year when the weather turns a little nippy and the calendar months go double-digits, true fabulocity likes to play dress up and get a little down, dirty and spooky.  For the 3rd year in a row, *LINDA'S HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY SPECTACULAR* was an affair of true decadence, indulgence, and disguisement.

 

Linda Wilma-Flinstone, having a gay 'ole time.  jLobster and bubbyMichael in crustaceous action -- DON'T YOU LOVE IT!?  Can I get some butter with that succulent seafood?

 

Wilma's attention to party detail was impeccable.  Yes, partying is in her blood and yes, she's got it, and boy does she flaunt it!

THE FOOD!!  Linda prepared to feed a costumed army by slaving over.....the catering menu!  Yes, this Wilma doesn't live in the stone-age.  She contacted Elegant Affairs Catering Company and expertly curated the following tantalizing gourmet gallery...

 

Fried chips with chunky spinach artichoke dip.  Jumbo shrimp cocktail.

 

Baked rigatoni with sausage, broccoli rabe & mozz.  Baked ziti with fresh mozz and chicken.

 

Roasted mountain of portabella, asparagus, peppers -- this was one of my faves!  A triple-tier bruschetta spread of roasted peppers, eggplant dip, roasted baby-bellas and much more.  Behind the triple tier is a marvelous mustard-glazed spiral ham.

 

2 heaping sushi roll platters with shrimp tempura rolls, spicy tuna rolls, and more

  

Pesto-grilled chicken with a center mound of fresh mozz and tomato-basil salad.  Raw & blanched crudite platter with 2 sensational dips.

 

Over on the coffee table -- Cranberries and floating candles, and a most gorgeous sight...

Rosemary ham, sopressata, salami, pepperoni, provolone, gruyere, fresh mozz, and gorgonzola-stuffed olives.  This platter brought me to tears (and burps).

 

Over on the side table next to the leather club chair -- a platter of dark-chocolate-covered strawberries.  And a pot of gold chocolate coins and Ferrara-Rocher.

 

Over in the kitchen, the fridge was emptied to make room for some light refreshments.

 

BACK TO THE COSTUMES!  Moments after completing my lobster suit, I knew the perfect costume accoutrement was a lobster bib for bubbyMichael.  But where the hell do I buy one??   I stopped by our local seafood restaurant, Buon Appetito, walked in and said to the hostess "This is gonna sound weird, but I need a lobster bib from you"  She gave it to me for free and told me to scram.

The sisters Ma:  Lenore as LOTR's Arwen/Galadriel (Liv Tyler/Cate Blanchett),  Adrianna as Pirate's Elizabeth Swan (Kiera Knightley), and Wilma (Rosie O'Donnell??).

 

Arwen/Galadriel sits down with the precioussss antipasto platter.

On the right, we have Junk-in-a-box, and a Ghostbuster with Slimer.

 

Scooby, Shaggy & Daphne.  Daphne with American Psycho's bloody Patrick Bateman.  Christian Bale has nothing on this preppy CAMERican psycho.

   

Meet the Flinstones.  Playboy Bunny Eunhee got paired up with the Heff.  Arwen and Aragorn.

 

Salacious Cindy came all Grecian Goddessy.  A demon and Julius Caesar walk into a bar...

 

omg...true scariness arrived a bit later in the form of my worst nightmare -- a demented hairy beast.  No, stylishgal didn't show up uninvited to the party au naturale.  This was our little pixie Liz, who gets off on truly scary disguises.  The terror on my face here is real.  My spine tingled everytime Liz looked at me.

 

Michael had fun cracking me up all nite.  I told Adrianna she was a few dreadlocks, black eye-makeup, and rotten teeth away from being Jack Sparrow.  I thought she was gonna throw her cellphone at my head, but she laughed.

 

COUPLES COSTUMES:  Will & Grace (no joke) as Peter Pan & Tink.  Caesar and some woman.

 

FREAKS....and GEEKS

 

Wilma gets down with her work gals.

 

M*chelle as sexy red riding hood with her sexy referee friend.  Tammy also does Daphne, her hubby John is a naughty slutty priest, and Tinkerbell. 

 

The pain on my face here is not fake.  Michael really clamped down hard.  Then he took the lemon from his Corona and "accidentally" squirted me. 

 

More lobster sexiness.

 

Michael commanded the leather club chair all nite, and the ladies kept flocking over to him like the Godfather.  He who holds the lobster cracker rules the joint.  Cute pic of Adrianna having words with bubby.

After the party cleared out a bit, everyone got jiggy with it and danced.  Meanwhile, I got piggy with it.  My appendages actually got in the way of my eating.

 

Some girl came in, saw me, and said "omg...how cute...you're Sebastian from the Little Mermaid".  I didn't correct her.  It's still seafood after all.  Mission accomplished.

Once again, Linda & Bao's Halloween Bash was a smashing success.  Nearly 50 guests came and went throughout the night, and yet there was enough food to feed 150.  The biggest house-party of the year was also the best.  When it's all said and done, one thing above all else is clear:  nobody does Halloween better than Roseanne....er, I mean, Linda.  And some final words from our gorgeulicious hostess....

Linda wilMA:  "Yabba dabba doo, bitches!"

Last year for Halloween, I gave you UGLY BETTY.  Ugly Jason was a big hit.  This year, I give you....

DELICIOUS LOBSTER!

Your eyes don't deceive you....this was all red plastic plates and cups.  I didn't invent this costume...I just built it myself from online instructions.  It's arts & crafts 101...with scissors, packing tape, copper wire, and construction paper. 

 

Plastic cups:  $2.99

Plastic plates:  $3.99

Red gloves:  $3.99

You are what you eat:  Priceless!

This costume went into delicious crustaceous action this weekend at Linda's Annual Halloween Costume Mega-Bash!  Entry to follow shortly.

Had ourselves another Block Party at Boatworks over the weekend.  The sizzling summer fiesta party was such a hit that everyone wanted more.  So it was up to me to come up with the next theme and spearhead the whole operation.  I give you....BLOCKTOBERFEST!

Once again, we called on a healthy handful of relevant friends and neighbors on our block to join in the fun on Wisteria Lane...er, I mean, Boatworks Drive.  And true to form, everyone came with gourmet food and drinks in spades:

 

Annery's fabulous fall roasted vegetables:  butternut squash, acorn squash, turnips, celery....all roasted to candied perfection.

Nhi's special vietnamese crispy shrimp & sweet potato fritters.  It took all of 5 minutes from when the dish was unveiled to when the pan was empty.  These were phenomenal!

 

Julia & Jamis, our non-Boatworks pals, joined us with a korean sushi-rolls platter.

Rob's mom, Marie, gave us her special homemade italian rice balls -- inside was a lovely center of ground beef, peas, and melting mozzarella.  So good!! 

 

MarySue & her chef husband Rob went truly Oktoberfest with kielbasa and red cabbage.

I did a simple lemon-roasted chicken legs, for added protein.  My oven-roasted broccoli was a huge hit as well.  This was not even the tip of the pot luck iceberg.  We had polish pierogies, a baked ham, more kielbasa and cabbage,...  This was definitely not a meat-less quesadilla, foxy-lettuce-salad affair.  And later on, I presented my special contribution.

 

Partial view of the driveway activity from our balcony.  We staged the party once again out on 4 driveways, and neighbors strolled on by with their food and liquor.

 

me & hubbs.  me with Annery & Jamis.

 

Julia & Annery; Annery & Jamis.

 

me, Diana, bubbyMichael, Antoinette.  Phil & Jim.

 

A crowd develops around the desserts table.  Madeline, Frank, Rob & MarySue.

  

Scary but delicious jack-o-lantern cake.  This pumpkin cake was just the tip of the dessert table iceberg.  We had apple pie, apple strudel, pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, brownies, 2 coconut custard pies, pound cake, cinnamon spiced cupcakes, coffee, spiced cider.  It was a decadent fall dessert spread.

I was caught eating a cinnamon spiced cupcake, made by neighbor Amy.

 

The beer bucket was overflowing.  Beer is bleccch to me, but all the boys and girls enjoyed it.  Lots of Octoberfest flavors in there.

I classed up the joint with Pomegranate martinis.  What you see here is all you need for a delicious one.  Forgo the pricey Pama liquer....it's worthless.  The key is to use Pom. 

 

Then I FONDUE'D...

 

My special contribution came out a bit later -- cheese fondue of swiss emmenthal, with french bread cubes and roasted potatoes for dipping.

  

The fondue came out too late, as everyone was full already.  Plus, it was windy, so the cheese didn't stay warm and melty enough.  I had to pop it in the microwave to help it out a bit.  But overall, it was a hit.  Much better indoors, but my outdoor effort was appreciated.

 

How can anyone tsay no to melted cheese?  Certainly not Phil, Annery, Jim, John, Chris, Madeline, Julia,....

 

At night, things got a little nutty.  Our adored Bayonne friends, Steven & Phyllis (above with Michael), joined us and started the crowd up on dirty jokes and maniacal laughter.  Some folks started disappearing for long periods of time and then reappearing.  People we didn't really know were going into our house to use the bathroom.  And nuttiest of all, Annery hopped on my RAZR scooter and started joyriding around the neighborhood.

 

The whole Razr scooter thing came about when 2 pesky kids neighborhood came by with their ratty old scooters, looking for attention and their parents.  Before we knew it, Annery hopped on one and started riding around and laughing.  It was so joyful.  Then I whipped mine out and the kids ooh'd and ahh'd and begged to ride it.  So here we were, riding up and down the neighborhood with these children, all laughing and whoo'ing gleefully.  The rest of the neighborhood hated us, I'm sure, as they peered out from behind their spyful curtains wondering exactly what was going on on Boatworks Drive from 3 to 11pm on this gorgeous October evening, and how come they weren't invited.

It's Blocktoberfest, bitches! 

This has nothing to do with anything in particular.  I mean, I didn't watch the movie or anything and this pic is from June.  We were at Orlando Disney -- the movie theatre at Downtown Disney.  We were there to watch Pirates 3.  A pair of cute pics I never got around to posting.  Like I said, it's Friday, it's a Photo, it's pure Randomocity.  What's so hard to understand??  I'm throwing you a new entry bone here, stalkers.

I'm more like Santa's Little Helper, wearing my catface shirt.  *mew*

Meanwhile, bubbyMichael can stunt-double for the lovable huggable Homer anyday.  D'oh!

For the past year, a major player in my & bubbyMichael's lives was missing.  Well, he's back now, and Bobber than ever!  This past weekend we reunited with Bob at his fabulous new Rego Park apt for a classic foody boozy party.  He served the most scrumptiously huge shrimp cocktail, an assortment of decadent european cheeses, a full hot entree dinner, and enough alcohol to keep the gaysians-and-the-white-guys-who-love-them happy.

 

I said to Bob, "y know when you don't see someone for a long time, they usually either gain 50 lbs or lose 50 lbs.  Thank god you didn't gain!"  (Although I probably gained 5).  Bob, Michael, Steven and Gary do their hubbies chorus line.

 

Noel from Hackensack and his friends from Ridgefield Park.  NJ was well-represented at the party.  And here's the adorable Skion (Skiddoo) with Bob. 

 

An assortment of silky Neuhas belgian chocolates.  An assortment of slutty gaysians (Scott & Aaron) with Scott's hubby, Steven. 

 

Ok here's the thing.  I always seem to overdo the alcohol whenever Bob has a party.  Maybe it's because the alkie is always so abundant and free-flowing in his home, or maybe it's because I feel a sense of self-appointed obligaysian to be the flamboyant social butterfly of the party.  What you see here is one of the last things I can recall from that evening.  THE POINT OF NO RETURN:  when I stop letting others pour my drinks, and start doing it myself.  That's what happened at my brother's bachelor party in Atlantic City.  That's what happened at the Boatworks Pool Party 2006.  That's what happened at Gary's underwear par....well, you get the idea.   

I recall starting the night with several tequila cosmopolitans (I know...tequila, blecchh, but they were quite good!).  I recall having a few (dozen) sips of raspberry and cassis belgian lambic beer.  I recall being handed a few shots which I incited others to join in on.  Then I went all bartender on everyone's ass and started pouring the shots.  I recall fuzzy navels, Jack & coke, Frangelico(Mrs. Buttersworth) & coffee.  Next stop:  Blackout-ville with a layover in Pukeytown.  A vicious hangover destroyed me on Sunday, and I called in sick to work on Monday. 

The next 2 weekends will be a test.  2 big parties:  Boatworks Blocktoberfest & Linda's Halloween Special.  I want to stay sober for both parties, and resume the drinking for my big 30th Birthday bash on Nov2.  I'm not sure I can do it.  I'm gonna try, or else I'll be singing "they tried to make me go to rehab, I won't go go go" by age 30.  I tsay NO NO NO...

A few Fridays ago, for the Chinese mooncake harvest holiday, my family convened at the formidable EAST MANOR Restaurant in Elmhurst, Queens for a dazzling feast.  Enjoy the 10-course slideshow:

Fall TV is back and my social life is about to get more nonexistent.  Nonetheless, juicy new shows make for good xanga all season long, so here we go:

GOSSIP GIRL.  After 2 episodes, while I'm a tad sad to say that this is not the groundbreaking bitchy pleasure I was hoping for...this Cruel Intentions-wannabe is still watchable for the moment.  It's totally a CW show...you know, trying to be edgy with the Rooney music and all that txt msg'ing, but coming off a little precious (rich vs poor, saintly vs slutty).  My complaints first and foremost are the actors -- unknowns that aren't all that attractive.  Truly uncompelling personalities, especially the central "star" Serena.  Serena is sooo serene, I yawn everytime I see her.  A show like this with a bland cast needs to make up for it with bitchier, wittier, darker writing.  It's got a ways to go.  The show is cornily cliche:  a rich kid's family owns the posh hotel they all hang out in; the same rich kid is a messed up belligerent prick who's capable of date rape; the poor kids and their scruffy musician single dad live in Williamsburg; the outcast always shows up at a party she's uninvited to and the bitchy girls always gasp "omg...what is SHE doing here??" and start txt'ing up a gossipy frenzy.  Truly goundbreaking stuff, huh?  So far the only person that makes me tingle is the wicked witchy Blair.  This mean rich girl has the potential to turn this show into something about which we can all gossip, girls.

BIONIC WOMAN.  In the 2-year absence of Alias from my life, NBC's new Bionic Woman kinda fills that void.  The premiere was edgy and exciting, especially with Jaime Sommers' immediate bionic nemesis, Sarah Corvus.  More like, Sarah Kick-butt-us.  The rooftop cat-fight in the first episode was Matrix'y and fun, and I look forward to more bionic battles ahead. 
 

BIG SHOTS.  Christopher Titus, Michael Vartan, Dylan McDermott,...3 debonair hotties plus an ugly impish 4th guy.  A show about desperate husbands -- rich, high corporate, fast-talking, self-involved hubbies with too much drama of their own creation.  This show's premiere was a tad boring, but it's a promising show.  The novelty of sophisticated straight male camaraderie can be fun if they infuse more quirk, wit, and juicier drama.   Let's hope ABC realizes that this show needs to be moved from Thursdays at 10pm to Sundays at 10pm right after the Wisteria Lane ladies, and voila!...the easiest ad campaign ever is born.

DIRTY SEXY MONEY.  This show makes Big Shots look glaringly extraneous, esp with both being on ABC.   DSM is what Big Shots tries to be -- a bunch of undeserving brats that interest and intrigue you.   Dirty Sexy Money is the best new show of the season.  Dynasty with a 2007 New York flavor.  A Dominick Dunne novel come to life.  I've never watched a show that starred Peter Krause, but I've always admired him as an actor.  And here, he's effortlessly engaging amidst a cast of rich caricatures.  He's simply loveable.  This show has all the right ingredients:  a central likeable character with wit, sarcasm and a conscience; a shady patriarch; a bitchy family priest; a Paris Hilton-y daughter; a sexy tranny; dirty murder mystery, and lots and lots of money.   

TMZ.  I LOVE THIS SHIT!  Everyday at 6:30pm on Fox, TMZ gets DVR'd for my 11pm viewing pleasure.  It's like the pages of US Weekly and InTouch coming to life like some awesome pop-up book...except I don't have to read and the characters are all famous and stupid and like to show their crotches.  Sure, I feel sorry that Britney can't get beef jerky at 7-Eleven without an army of cameras in her face, but that's why there's Bai Ling.  TMZ is an equal opportunity exploiter.

And while we're naming shames, I've also been catering to my inner teenage girl by catching up on MTV.  That's right, I'm now addicted to...

THE HILLS!  It's been a good 6, 7 years since I gave MTV the time of day, but after seeing all the cunty critters from The Hills all over the pages of US and In Touch, I can't deny their bitchxistence any longer.  Ooh, that Heidi and Spencer make me so mad.  Everytime scuzzy Spencer speaks, I want to scrub my aura with bleach and a pumice stone.  The biggest scumbag on tv.  As for Heidi, her coworker Elodie is the best!  Elodie's face CRACKS ME UP...like she just did a little poo-poo in her pants.  Oopsie.  And poor LC and her ex-Jason and that Katja tramp's engagement.  Oh snap!!  Audrina is an afterthought.  I love Whitney!  Though she basically has no storyline, her valley-girl speak makes me smile and she always does a good job of filling me in on what happened in the past.  Typical conversation:

LC:  So I had coffee with Jason last nite.
Whitney:  (eyes widen, lips pucker) reallyyy?  Jason, as in your fresh-out-of-rehab "ex" Jason who broke your heart last season??  how was thaaat??

(Whitney, Lauren, Audrina, Heidi) 

And finally, the best moment so far of the fresh TV season came from the UGLY BETTY premiere:

 
Wilhemina rocks!!  

I LOVE TV!!!